Food and Recipes

You know, for the health benefits.

It’s not hard to make these small changes in your life, it just takes a little planning and a TON of constant anxiety.

Shhhhh.

They’re just extremely delicious drones.

Spider Milk? Wait no spiders do silk. Right. Ignore this. Pretend we never suggested it.

Obadiah died in war!

Nothing sucks the air out of a holiday gathering like sugar-free baked goods and the son with a face only a mother would want to disown.

Fuck! Are you feeling this?

Red is the color of stop and blood!

Mother Earth is counting on you.

Embrace your inner basic.

Really thought Europe would teach us how to love again.

Because nothing feels as good as fitting into designer skinny jeans. Not even love.

Not to be confused for 3AM recipes.

How do you decide where to go to find inner peace and hopefully an affair with someone whose voice doesn’t make you wish you would just die already.

Prawns. What are they? Do they have feelings? Most importantly, are they different from shrimp?

I swear to fucking God they better after all of this bullshit I went through this year.

It isn’t worth it, just stay home.

She was a piece of work.

The Church Of False-Vestigially has implemented a state-of-the-art health program with only a 40% failure* rate. It’s called the “LSD Hole Diet,” and it’s totally shaking up the diet world.

This Thanksgiving turkey is just the opportunity you need to have at least one thing go right. And you really need it because, let’s be honest, you can really use a win right now.

I’ve got stuffing in the oven, and I don’t mean the one in my kitchen!

Stop what you’re doing, grab your travel journal, and take note, ’cause I’m going to run down the five Rite Aids you MUST visit before you eat the big one.

Everyone needs a good post-divorce craft project, even if it means building a whole new family who will never desert me out of fruit.

You’re going to fuck this up

We spoke with Marvelous Meats’ CEO Rodger Diaz about his potentially game-changing screaming beef that psychologically satisfies.

You have two problems: no plans for Thanksgiving Dinner, and an abundance of just terrible Pokemon. Why not have one problem solve the other?

You know what they say: You can’t screw up pizza! But we’re gonna try.

You better hope your colon is in order, because I’m about to blow the shit straight out of you.

Turn your stupid fat American child into a glorious, perfectly-behaved little Madeline thanks to a strict French diet!

When celebs spill the beans on the best countries to open an offshore bank account to hide their wealth from different governments, we’re here for it.

Why waste time boiling stacks of the flayed dead so you can suckle the runoff when you can cut out the middle man and get all the nutrients you need direct from the source?

These delicious, healthful activated cashews are so godammned good you’ll literally feel like you’re getting pounded by Mr. Peanut.

Hello again, readers! We here at Bunny Ears love trying out new diets and telling you about the results. Juice cleanses, the five-bite system, raw foods—we’re here for them all. And as much as I’d love to review a new trendy diet for you today, I hit a bit of a snafu up front: The only thing […]

Relationships can be tough, but when you find your perfect other half, you’ll be amazed by how easy things can be. I personally feel so lucky to be in a relationship that’s so intuitive and carefree. I am, of course, talking about my relationship with this barbecue pulled pork macaroni and cheese. It’s a simple […]

I’m usually a bubbly, effervescent kind of person, but a few months ago I found myself feeling guilty about the way I was acting. I was letting stress get the best of me, and it was most often expressed through absolutely foul language. Real nasty stuff. Some stuff I’m pretty sure I invented. Regardless of […]

So you want to learn how to make my perfect fried rice? Of course you do. My perfect fried rice is nirvana incarnate. It’s made grown men weep. Asking someone if they want my fried rice recipe is like asking someone if they want to glimpse the face of God. Who’s going to say no? […]

As a good-hearted, courageous princess, I totally understand that a diet may not be feasible to the working woman/peasant. I know many of you have children to rear and like, goats to tend? I’ve definitely seen goats out there, so my guess is you’re tending them— because peasant men are useless, amiright? See, we’re the […]

When it comes to men, I’ve been around the neighborhood a few times, if you know what I mean. What I mean is that I have been dumped by various men in various places in the town where I live throughout the years. Come with me, if you like, as I relive this journey and […]

If you’re interested in wellness trends, you’ve most likely heard of Bulletproof coffee—A.K.A. adding healthy fats, like organic butter or ghee, to your daily cup of java. This slight adjustment to your morning routine allegedly fuels both your mind and body while also keeping you satiated longer, which means less potential for unhealthy snacking later […]

We’re so excited about our favorite green smoothie at Bile, Los Angeles’s opulent private juice dojo, that we decided to try making one at home. The object of our obsession is the Manaus, a jade green superfood confection made with a touch of poison dart frog venom for paralyzing the face’s unnecessary smiling muscles. We […]

You know what they say: Candy is dandy, but the call of the void will send you spiraling down into an existential crisis. No matter how much you try to avoid it, there will be times in your life when you’ll question the meaning of everything and, indeed, the very nature of the universe. So […]

In Ancient Greece, it was known that the true hero is one who journeys to die without hesitation, but with strength and purpose. Which is why it’s actually super good news that you’re dying next week! You’ve got seven whole days to imbue your life with strength and purpose, and gain the little “hero” badge […]