Food and Recipes
Creatures Ethical To Milk Because We’re Not Even Sure They’re Animals
Spider Milk? Wait no spiders do silk. Right. Ignore this. Pretend we never suggested it.
Sugar-Free Christmas Cookies Less Disappointing Than Your Incel Son
Nothing sucks the air out of a holiday gathering like sugar-free baked goods and the son with a face only a mother would want to disown.
Maybe It’s The Meth Talking, But These Detox Tips Make Me Feel Like A God
Fuck! Are you feeling this?
We Tried To Find Inspirational Love Stories But Found Love Is A Lie
Really thought Europe would teach us how to love again.
I’m Avoiding Holiday Weight Gain By Alienating My Friends And Family
Because nothing feels as good as fitting into designer skinny jeans. Not even love.
Recipes For Standing In Front Of The Fridge In Your Underwear At 2AM
Not to be confused for 3AM recipes.
The Best Places to Find Inner Peace And Hopefully An Affair
How do you decide where to go to find inner peace and hopefully an affair with someone whose voice doesn’t make you wish you would just die already.
Prawns vs. Shrimps: The Definitive Guide
Prawns. What are they? Do they have feelings? Most importantly, are they different from shrimp?
Thanksgiving Recipes The Whole Family Better Fucking Agree On
I swear to fucking God they better after all of this bullshit I went through this year.
I Traveled The World And Didn’t Learn A Fucking Thing About Myself
It isn’t worth it, just stay home.
Lose Weight With My Diet Of Artisanal LSD Tabs And Ditch Grains Fed To You Through Our Feed Hole
The Church Of False-Vestigially has implemented a state-of-the-art health program with only a 40% failure* rate. It’s called the “LSD Hole Diet,” and it’s totally shaking up the diet world.
Reminder: Don’t Fuck Up This Turkey, Because You Can Really Use A Win Right Now
This Thanksgiving turkey is just the opportunity you need to have at least one thing go right. And you really need it because, let’s be honest, you can really use a win right now.
You Have To Try These Stuffing Recipes In Your Vagina
I’ve got stuffing in the oven, and I don’t mean the one in my kitchen!
Five Rite Aids You MUST Visit Before You Die
Stop what you’re doing, grab your travel journal, and take note, ’cause I’m going to run down the five Rite Aids you MUST visit before you eat the big one.
Animal Fruit Carvings So Adorable You’ll Dedicate Your Life To Keeping Them Alive At ALL Costs
Everyone needs a good post-divorce craft project, even if it means building a whole new family who will never desert me out of fruit.
Marvelous Meat: This Plant-Based Burger Not Only Bleeds, It Screams
We spoke with Marvelous Meats’ CEO Rodger Diaz about his potentially game-changing screaming beef that psychologically satisfies.
Recipes For Cooking And Serving Your Weakest Pokémon
You have two problems: no plans for Thanksgiving Dinner, and an abundance of just terrible Pokemon. Why not have one problem solve the other?
Can You Screw Up Pizza? We’re Gonna Try!
You know what they say: You can’t screw up pizza! But we’re gonna try.
I Just Realized Green Juice Is Cold Soup And I Am Going To End These Bastards
You better hope your colon is in order, because I’m about to blow the shit straight out of you.
The French Model: Teaching Your Child to Eat Like A Perfect Little Asshole
Turn your stupid fat American child into a glorious, perfectly-behaved little Madeline thanks to a strict French diet!
We Can’t Get Enough Of These 5 Celebrity-Recommended Tax Havens
When celebs spill the beans on the best countries to open an offshore bank account to hide their wealth from different governments, we’re here for it.
Bone Broth Is Out, Gnawing On Bones Is In!
Why waste time boiling stacks of the flayed dead so you can suckle the runoff when you can cut out the middle man and get all the nutrients you need direct from the source?
Consuming Activated Cashews Is Like Getting Railed By Mr. Peanut And We Can’t Recommend It Enough
These delicious, healthful activated cashews are so godammned good you’ll literally feel like you’re getting pounded by Mr. Peanut.
Make Your Relationship As Good As The One I Have With This BBQ Pulled Pork Macaroni And Cheese
Relationships can be tough, but when you find your perfect other half, you’ll be amazed by how easy things can be. I personally feel so lucky to be in a relationship that’s so intuitive and carefree. I am, of course, talking about my relationship with this barbecue pulled pork macaroni and cheese. It’s a simple […]
The Boxed Wine And Whatever Is In The Fridge Crash Diet
Hello again, readers! We here at Bunny Ears love trying out new diets and telling you about the results. Juice cleanses, the five-bite system, raw foods—we’re here for them all. And as much as I’d love to review a new trendy diet for you today, I hit a bit of a snafu up front: The only thing […]
I Tried The Sleeping Beauty Diet And I’m Gonna Eat My Prince When He Show Up
As a good-hearted, courageous princess, I totally understand that a diet may not be feasible to the working woman/peasant. I know many of you have children to rear and like, goats to tend? I’ve definitely seen goats out there, so my guess is you’re tending them— because peasant men are useless, amiright? See, we’re the […]
A Tour Guide Of The Places Where Men Have Dumped Me
When it comes to men, I’ve been around the neighborhood a few times, if you know what I mean. What I mean is that I have been dumped by various men in various places in the town where I live throughout the years. Come with me, if you like, as I relive this journey and […]
How To Make Bulletproof Mountain Dew
If you’re interested in wellness trends, you’ve most likely heard of Bulletproof coffee—A.K.A. adding healthy fats, like organic butter or ghee, to your daily cup of java. This slight adjustment to your morning routine allegedly fuels both your mind and body while also keeping you satiated longer, which means less potential for unhealthy snacking later […]
We Duplicated This $50 Green Smoothie at Home by Blending Dollar Bills into a Regular Smoothie
We’re so excited about our favorite green smoothie at Bile, Los Angeles’s opulent private juice dojo, that we decided to try making one at home. The object of our obsession is the Manaus, a jade green superfood confection made with a touch of poison dart frog venom for paralyzing the face’s unnecessary smiling muscles. We […]
Culinary Experiments That Are Also Depressing Thought Experiments
You know what they say: Candy is dandy, but the call of the void will send you spiraling down into an existential crisis. No matter how much you try to avoid it, there will be times in your life when you’ll question the meaning of everything and, indeed, the very nature of the universe. So […]
All The Best Places To Visit Before You Die Next Week
In Ancient Greece, it was known that the true hero is one who journeys to die without hesitation, but with strength and purpose. Which is why it’s actually super good news that you’re dying next week! You’ve got seven whole days to imbue your life with strength and purpose, and gain the little “hero” badge […]
Why Stop at the Placenta? Go Ahead and Eat the Whole Baby
Unless you’ve been living in a cave or some other appropriately yonic remote dwelling, you’ve probably heard about the practice of placentophagia. Celebrities from Kim Kardashian to Mayim Bialik have scarfed the ol’ babybag. Eating the placenta after giving birth may help you replenish your iron supplies or boost your mood. What you may not […]
What Your Favorite Celebs Eat Daily (Hint: It’s Mostly Candles)
We all want to eat like celebs. They look so good, but they have access to all sorts of private chefs and expensive ingredients that most of us can’t afford, right? Wrong! Look no further than your local Yankee Candle to find out exactly what you need to do in order to eat like some […]
This S’Mores Recipe Is So Good, It’ll Melt Your Heart, Just Like This Charming Story That Precedes It
For my darling nephew’s six-and-a-half birthday party, I had planned a quaint but fun-filled theme of outdoor camping, just like they do in movies. We would use artificial grass, earthy perfumes, and young saplings to transform the yacht into a lightly wooded glen. My nephew and his classmates would frolic amid child-sized log cabins and […]
Doomsday (Meal) Prepper: How To Meal Prep For The Impending Nuclear Winter
The world of today is a scary place. No one knows what tomorrow will bring, but if you’re like us, you’re pretty sure it’ll bring a hail of nuclear missiles that will wipe out all semblance of human progress in one white-hot instant. Also like us, you’ve probably been prepping for that moment of nuclear […]
Travel Guide: An Incredible Hotel Where You Can Stay Forever
Years ago, I found this amazing hotel, and it is my distinct pleasure to share it with you now. I found it while I was road-tripping through California. I don’t remember exactly where—all I know is that it was located on a dark desert highway. It was unseasonably cool, and the fragrant wind was blowing […]