Lifestyle

I’m basically a pro.

You can’t risk electing a judge you can’t bribe

Hint: There’s so fucking many!

Your marriage is more like gold than you think, which is why you should invest in both your love and this incredibly stable currency form TODAY!

Each author on this list is more talented than all the men here combined.

It was very much not okay in the end.

Stop wasting all that daylight and put it to work for you!

Move over Fudgy the Whale, crude needle poke tattoos are the new big children’s party must-have of the year!

Everyone loves mug cake! It’s fast, easy, and impossible to see what’s inside the mug once you’ve begun making it. Here’s how we happened upon this recipe.

Not only are my Lincoln Log hinges fashionable they also make so many daily activities better. No longer do I have to worry about damaging my joints when I do yoga.

That’s right—working isn’t just for poor people.

It began as a lazy reason to create some more fine Internet Content. It ended with a morbid obession that brought us to the brink of perpetual moistness.

It’s a thing, apparently?

The goth look is out. The baroque look is in.

There’s a valid reason. Kinda.

Do you know what it’s like to have your child come home with a report card that says she’s “such a bright student and a joy to be around” but says nothing – nothing – about you?

I’m not asking for much.

It’s not your fault

The color of the month is flesh!

This needs to stop. My mother’s threatening to leave.

You’ll look fabulous—no matter how many atrocities you commit!

You will reach unfathomable velocity.

We would publish photos of the dress, but those unfitting of the dress won’t be able to see it, feel jealous, and then report us for posting images of naked women. Please don’t hate us because our eyes can see a fabric that represents the epitome of haute couture!

Boy do these sting!

It’s so much healthier to bring your baby into the world with a water birth. And it costs next to nothing to do it down at the local pool!

What the real danger is here? A virus I specifically designed to kill 90% of the population, or the untested vaccine for it? I think you know my answer.

Don’t let disease get you down. Fight through your illness with our bold new method of denying its existence! You’ll be healthy in no time!

Why are you doing this to yourself? To all of us?

I mean who knows, right?

We’ve all been there.

I already know the answer due to my years of experience as a dream interpreter, but have you tried watching something other than porn as you fall asleep?

The advice for taking a big old honker of a butt plug is the same advice that’s going to help you power your bottom through your podcast’s third rebrand.

I am not here for it.

Say you already know your healthy husband is about to die from mysterious causes. Which life insurance policy should you choose for him?

The neighbors were admittedly displeased.

You probably don’t have anything meaningful to do right now anyway.

I can’t help but wonder: when will it be my turn? When will I get to delicately balance myself on four posts above some woman as she marries the man of her dreams?

What possible reason could they have to object to this beautiful forty foot silk effigy of a naked hairy Greek New Age musician?

Everything seems awful all of the time these days, but are you sure that’s really the case? We’ll make the case that you should cheer up a bit.

I can’t wait until one of my doctors makes an innocent mistake while adjusting the settings on the cryo-tank and it turns me into Mr. Freeze.

Finally!