Little Jason is definitely a chaotic neutral.
House rules!
It’s something every parent wonders.
It’s a miracle.
Based on commercials during ‘Paw Patrol,’ we think these movies were great!
Have you ever thought about owning a capybara?
It’s about family, faith, and unrelenting blue balls.
What next?
Branklin and Conch can’t even get through the trailer.
Confidence is key.
Like how to set up that Roth IRA.
Frankly, it’s unacceptable.
I want answers.
There must be a logical explanation.
It can be hard for them to understand.
Get in touch with their inner lives!
Being a stepmom is tough, but it can also be rewarding, like when your stepson begrudgingly says you can ride with him to your five-year high school reunion.
We’re all going to die someday, but dumb toddlers usually don’t figure that out so soon. Whoops.
We need to teach our boys consent, mutual respect, and how to freaking rock at magic.
My leash kid is on a leash. The dogs are on leashes. I don’t see the problem?
Drinking on Mother’s Day won’t help your partner and children truly appreciate you, but it WILL get you through another day without murder charges!
If My Kids Love Me So Much, Why Won’t They Donate To My Patreon
If you’re raising one of these “cage-free children,” you’re a crappy parent. There, we said it.
Natasha Lyonne and Macaulay Culkin: two definitely not dead celebrities!
Cut out the middleman and prep for the bully’s palette instead! It’s good to know there’s at least one person likes your cooking.
It’s a conversation every parent should have with their child.
Are our kids spending too much time plopped in front of their families, growing lazy from all that unconditional love? Heck yes!
Talk about your dumb luck.
Move over Fudgy the Whale, crude needle poke tattoos are the new big children’s party must-have of the year!
Do you know what it’s like to have your child come home with a report card that says she’s “such a bright student and a joy to be around” but says nothing – nothing – about you?
It’s not your fault
You’ll look like a parent with impeccable modern taste, but you’ll never have to put your skills to use because your child won’t have any friends left!
If you breed your children, you’re literally worse than a hypothetical love child made from the union of Hitler and Stalin, who was then was nannied by Pol Pot.
With the right team of professionals, your child can avoid any and all consequences.
Because why shouldn’t they learn from your fears?
It won’t be long before your child starts to crave the dark. No more crying when you put them to bed!
This year, my goal is to get shwiggity fuckin’ shwasted, and I can’t wait to get to it!
Nothing sucks the air out of a holiday gathering like sugar-free baked goods and the son with a face only a mother would want to disown.
Because god damn do they need it
I don’t care what you think of me. I’m not going to do it.
It is his right to choose what I know is best for him.
There was literally no way to prevent this.
If you’re comfortable with me telling your children to eat shit but not telling them to get fucked, I need to know that beforehand.
I swear to fucking God they better after all of this bullshit I went through this year.
Turn your stupid fat American child into a glorious, perfectly-behaved little Madeline thanks to a strict French diet!