Spiritual Wellness

Bee venom therapy is both bourgeois and passé. You injected yourself, Gerard Butler? Weak sauce. Let the bees do the injecting for you and then maybe we can talk. It’s not like they don’t have perfectly good needles coming out of their butts, you know. Geez. However, for the past few weeks I’ve been absolutely in …

Rejoice, my sweet followers! While the Church Of False-Vestigially regularly discovers many a miracle that we share in our weekly digital newsletter (purchase your subscription at one of my many web pages), there rarely comes such a powerful gift as what I’ve been bestowed so recently. It happened last Fourth of July as I was …

I’m not what you might call “nurturing.” More plants have died by my hand than I care to count. I live and die by my slow cooker. Without it, I’d never eat a home-cooked meal in my life. And … well, I used to have children. But I found an amazing lifehack that’s allowed me …

It happens to the best of us: You wake up, head to your local hot yoga sesh, and promptly lose control of your bowels somewhere between cat-cow and child’s pose. Shitting your pants during hot yoga is not just normal, it happens remarkably often, according to a quick poll of the Bunny Ear’s L.A. office. You’re …

Moving in together is a big step forward in a relationship, and with all the major issues to talk about—how you should divide chores, who handles which bills, making sure they know you hiss and singe whenever the drapes are opened—potential aesthetic clashes often go undiscussed. Which brings me to this poster of Ronald Reagan …

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Welcome to the second ever Bunny Ears advice column, where Bunny Ears staff submit questions, and other Bunny Ears staff provide answers. Neither party knew who was asking or answering their questions. Until now … ] [EDITOR’S NOTE – PART TWO: We added an Amazon Affiliate link to this article. That means if you click …

Now that cannabis is legal in nine of the chillest states in the U.S., a few select gyms are offering cannabis yoga classes. Studies conducted at Dr. Big Dawg’s Dope Research Institute show that getting super high and doing yoga rules. We’re not going to take science’s word for it, though. I went out into …

His name was Geoffrey. He was neither cute nor trendy, but a Lovecraftian manifestation of everything wrong and evil. “Get a house llama!” they said. “It’ll be fun!” they said. Little did they know he would slowly but surely attempt to rob me of everything I hold dear—even my very life. So don’t get a …

Along with stem cell facials, human blood bags, and not letting your workers unionize, raw water is all the rage in Silicon Valley. But what do you do if there are no natural springs or rivers near your home? I have found the perfect solution to this problem. I discovered a naturally occurring water source …

As a wellness writer at Bunny Ears, I love to get my vagina steamed by going outside naked, pointing my yon-yon at the upper atmosphere, and waiting for climate change to take its course. If that doesn’t make me the hostess with the moistest, I get my face as close as possible to my sacred …

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Welcome to the first-ever Bunny Ears advice column, where Bunny Ears staff submit questions, and other Bunny Ears staff provide answers. Neither party knew who was asking or answering their questions. Until now…] Q – Hana Michels Dear trusted advisor, I’m attracted to narcissists. Every person I’ve ever dated has had at least one …

Some people think that the pelvic floor is important just because it keeps your organs from getting poured out onto the ground like a green juice the new girl at Bile forgot to put bee pollen in even though you were ADAMANT about wanting it. Before you decide whether to replace your pelvic floor with …

CVI have always had very sensitive, delicate skin. Even the gentlest of healthcare products produces angry, red rashes that mar my otherwise exquisite complexion. After years of home remedies and ancient voodoo techniques, I have finally discovered the beauty regimen that works for me. A few weeks ago, I began bathing in cow’s milk almost exclusively. …

Lifestyle blogs and magazines offer an endless supply of sex tips, whether or not the staff has actually tried any of them. But we’ve tried everything here in the Bunny Ears office. You should see our mangled genitals. They’re a slop-fest. Totally unrecognizable. That’s why, when I was asked to come up with even more …

Black is in and fashionable, in more ways than you know. If you know anything, you’ll know that one of the hottest ways to spice up your social life is making it ethnically diverse. But, alas, what’s a small-town Lily white milquetoast like you to do when you don’t have any minorities for friends? Fear …

Look, I’ve tried just about every diet under the sun and I can tell you, most of them are false promises and retained water weight. All those carb-based diets leave you feeling sluggish. Atkins? Maybe if you want gout. Vegan? I’m not a rabbit, thanks. I had started to give up. I thought I would …

I don’t think you motherfuckers are ready for my seminar on work-life balance. This shit is gonna be all about cutting loose extraneous distractions and unplugging from your work-connected electronic devices, but I suspect you’ll be too busy writing a reply to Christian from accounting on a Saturday afternoon instead of absorbing knowledge that will …

Essential oils may have no scientifically demonstrated benefits, but at least they smell good. We can’t say the same thing about our list of inessential oils. We can’t guarantee that they won’t actively harm you, but we can guarantee that they smell pretty weird. Our inessential oils are as malodorous as they are useless, and …

Near death experiences are real, my children. I know this because I have died once a week for the last three years. I stop my heart using only my willpower as a skilled guru and also a 24-volt customized truck battery, with the following practice: Step One: Perform the Kurmasana pose in a shallow prayer …

The world is in bad shape. Politics are a virtual minefield. The weather is devastatingly out of control. And hey, did you know the honeybees are still dying? Still, guys. Look, I know what you’re thinking. “I’m allergic to bees, bees killed Macaulay Culkin, and peanut butter is better than honey anyway.” Fair. I’m impressed …

There’s no denying that healing crystals have incredible power.1 But just how far does this power go? We’ve used and endorsed crystals to cure headaches, colds, and other common aliments,2 but today we’re here to tell you that, when applied correctly, crystals can do so much more.3 They can even help you overcome cancer, as …

Hey! It’s you! It feels like it’s been so long. I missed you. Come, friends. Learn the ancient wisdom of the stars to prevent the most common health ailments suffered by your zodiac sign. I love you. So try to stick around for a while, OK? Aries You’re active and energetic … which also likely …

Kink shaming is a thing of the past; now, it’s all about body positivity and living your best life. You do you, figuratively or literally. It doesn’t really matter. Life is short, and we are all going to die. Our color of the month, asphyxiation, is a trendy way to showcase your hidden desires to …

Dating is rough these days. What with the swiping, the ghosting, and the guys lying about the size of their yurts (45 square feet, my butt). Sometimes it’s enough to make you want to just give up altogether. But fear not, fellow spinsters. Read on for full-proof ways to attract a man! Bacon On A …

Who Rescued Whom is a new recurring series where Bunny Ears’ resident animal expert Allison Mick guides you through the many things you should know about adopting rescue animals — especially crows! So you think you’re ready to rescue a pet, but you’re not depressed enough for a cat and don’t want people saying “doggo” …

When people find out I am host to a tapeworm and an Amazonian dick fish, they always ask the same questions: “What the fuck?” “Have you seen someone about that?” And finally, “do they get along?” The answers are, respectively, “please don’t swear around my tapeworm,” “of course not,” and a resounding “yes.” But it …

Everyone enlightened with holistic knowledge knows that doctors are the Hitlers of modern history. While peace is the best policy, there comes a time in every person’s life when they simply must fight back against oppression, and in the war for our children’s safety, there is no price too high. This is why, in the …

Are you tired of your average, mundane, everyday sex life? Do you long for the spice, the thrill, and the sheer intensity of something beyond vanilla? Well, have we got the bombastic solution for you! Any average Joe or Jane can supercharge their bedroom romps with just a few common household supplies. Tide Pods Eating …

One important aspect of starting a yoga practice is finding a teacher who hasn’t doggied downward with your ex. This can be surprisingly difficult. But never fear, a good yoga practice can be done anywhere (for instance, on your ex’s dick). You want to have a good connection with your yoga teacher. And not a …

Minimalism is a design aesthetic with a long and rich history. I assume. I didn’t actually research it, because I only have fifteen minutes to write this article. If I don’t put in a 10-hour shift on Wipr (an app you really don’t want more information about) I’ll lose my “Golden” status and my $5 weekly …

As you may have guessed, I have pretty bad acne … or some other type of dermatological health issue that causes red skin and raised bumps on the face. There are a lot of those. I suspect it’s cystic acne based on what I’ve read about the symptoms on the internet. But only God knows …

After a long day of goat yoga and apple cider vinegar colonics, it can be hard to get to sleep. Just because you’ve gone to bed doesn’t mean you’re at rest. Here at Bunny Ears, we love capping off our nighttime routine by flicking it to a meditation. Specifically, a meditation read by Logan Coleman, …

Life is so extra. Hot yoga and influencer parties. Yurts, cockroach milk, and these vagina eggs. Enough already! Taking the time to unplug and unwind can rejuvenate your body and mind. I decided to take a little time to downsize and de-clutter my life and focus what really matters. Small space living is all the rage, …

Just like fashion, the medical world is ever-evolving at an ever-increasing pace. The diseases of yore, like syphilis and tuberculosis, had their moments for entire decades, sometimes even centuries. But these days, you can hardly catch the latest sexy yet pitiable disease, much less cure it, before the next big thing comes along. Last year, …

Listen up, bitch. I’ve had just about enough of your shit. As your sex therapist, I find it deeply concerning and frankly suspicious that you still can’t manage to have vaginal orgasms. I don’t care that you don’t pay me or even know how I keep getting into your house. What’s important is that I …

A walk in the woods is good for more than finding a moment to reconnect with the natural world, so says Rodrigo Montoya, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, who advocates for regular reconnections with the outdoors as a means of stress relief. It’s not just his research that makes him …

Meditation trains the mind just like fitness trains the body. Many meditation techniques exist — so how do you learn how to meditate? I will tell you: DIAL INTO YOUR CONCENTRATION Concentration meditation involves focusing on a single point.  Allow yourself to release any tension from the BILLS, BILLS, BILLS you have and remember that you are an INDEPENDENT WOMAN! This …

A good man has a tough exterior and a heart of gold. A great man has a body sculpted out of chicken wire and covered in old paste-soaked newspapers. That’s right, folks, I’m talkin’ paper mache. I met my first husband, Clarke while studying abroad in Paris. Clarke was striking, tall, dark, and handsome. He …

I’ve always been a naturally career-driven person. Promotions, raises, jealous water cooler gossip. This is what I live for. Some people choose to focus on their families or whatever, and that’s … fine. But for me, there’s nothing quite like climbing the corporate ladder. The number one key to success is … well, knowing the …

It sounds too simple to be true, but science has proven that people are never more mentally and physically fit than when they’re at home. They sleep better. They’re less anxious. They’re still flatulent, but their flatulence is devoid of sound and odor and gains a pleasant, visible tinge of fuchsia. But making a house …

We’ve come a long way as a society as far as accepting that bodily perfection, ideally in terms of delicious food items you won’t be allowed to eat, is a requirement for personhood. In 2013, we first admitted that if you don’t have a thigh gap, you’re a garbage human. More recently, it was the …

It was the summer of 2004, a rainy day at Camp Towanic which meant movie day. The day’s feature presentation was Never Been Kissed. It was like the camp gods were mocking me. “Stacy Goldstein got fingered in the boat shack last night and you’ve never even been kissed.” “Did you see Alex Greenblatt and …

A woman’s womb is a sacred temple, full of spiritual energy, mucus, and sometimes one or more human babies. While doctors claim that the act of squeezing life out of our vaginas is “painful,” with potential “complications” like “deadly eclampsia,” I’m here to tell you that you don’t need an inorganic epidural that’s probably filled …