Turn Your Child’s Baby Teeth Into An Incredible Superfood That You Can’t Quit — Even If You Want To!
Chronic exhaustion is par for the course for the modern parent. Between work, childcare, and all the odds and ends of adulting, it can feel like life is one long “To Do” list. Which is why it’s critical to fuel our bodies. And it’s also why we’re thrilled to introduce you to a 100% natural […]
Where You Should Spread Your Ashes Based On Your Zodiac Sign
Great Nana Etna just passed away, and as they propelled her ashes over the tennis courts of her beloved country club, you had a couple of distinct thoughts: Who knew the human body produced that much ash? And also, where the hell am I going to spread mine?! Well we here at Bunny Ears are […]
I Freaky Friday’d With My Daughter And What Do All These Emojis Mean?
Whenever I saw those stories on the news about kids and the internet, I always thought, “Not my daughter.” But then it happens to you—you get Freaky Friday’d with your teen, and it hits you like a ton of bricks: You don’t know the first thing about your kid. (Also, you look in the mirror […]
How To Be Your Most Authentic Self: From Someone Who Definitely Knows (A 22-Year Old Influencer)
As a woman, yoga influencer, and a Leo (rising), I have collected a very specific and finite bundle of opinions I feel the world needs to hear. I live on Instagram, which I am sure you’ve gathered from my highly curated daily yoga posts that make you wonder “Who actually takes all these photos?” and […]
The Beginner’s Guide To Fostering 2,300 Refugee Children
So, you just adopted 2,300 refugee children who have been recently separated from their families either after their parents crossed the United States’s southern border illegally or attempted to legally apply for asylum and were detained regardless. It doesn’t matter—the point is that now you’ve really got your hands full! 1. FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATE […]
Do I Still Have To Have My Dick Out For Harambe?
Hey, so, this is kind of a weird question, but do I still have to have my dick out for Harambe? I’ve had it out all this time, but is that a thing we’re all still doing? Or did we accomplish … uh, whatever it was we were trying to accomplish? It was awareness for […]
Dear Goop, We Have Your Therapist. If You Want Him Back Give Us Your Best Summer Skincare Products
Dear Goop.com: We have your therapist. He is in the Bunny Ears warehouse, breathing and meditating normally. He is healthy and spiritually aligned. We’re guessing you want him to stay that way. If you want your therapist returned safely please give us your Top 10 Summer Skin Care Product Recommendations. We’re not messing around […]
How To Navigate Your First Date To the Bedroom By Bringing Up Your Dead Friend
First dates are hard to navigate. When you step out of your uber into the unknown of a first date, your greatest hope is the chemistry will be electric and things heat up, like the curling iron you can’t remember if you turned off or not. Once you two lock eyes, you immediately feel a pull like your […]
Are You Really A Psychic Medium? Find Out Right Now!
Most Americans are boring, ordinary muggles with a tragic inability to do anything cool like talk to dead people, move things with their mind, or recognize how funny I am on Twitter. However, a tiny fraction of us have “the gift.” You might have the gift already and not even know it. All you need now […]
I Used A Babypod And Now My Baby Looks Just Like The Lead Singer Of Smash Mouth And It’s Definitely Because Of The Babypod And For No Other Reason
Dear Babypod, I would like to file a complaint about your product. When I first heard about your speaker, which I could easily insert into my vagina and use to play music for my baby, I was very excited. This device was perfect for introducing my baby to my favorite band, Smash Mouth. At least […]
Get Fit By Being Constantly On the Run From Your Future Self
For some people, health scares, tragedies, or life-changing experiences are the last straw before we take the initiative to better our personal health. However, the rest of us all know that the key to living healthier than ever is paved with the fear of assassination from your evil future self. Whether they’re trying to take […]
How To Use Blackmail To Secure Your Toddler’s Spot In A Prestigious Private Preschool
For better or worse, a college degree is no longer enough to ensure your child’s success. When 300 other job applicants all have the same Computer Engineering degrees, only your child’s exclusive early education experience (aka, private preschool) will give him or her the upper hand over the rest of those nerds. Unfortunately, the snobs […]
How To Feng Shui Your Panic Room
The spiritual flow of your house is one of the most important factors in achieving a zen-like state of personal equilibrium wherein you will permanently be better than all of your friends and they will know this truth but never speak it aloud for fear of being struck down by a beam of pure rapturous […]
I Thought I Was Detoxing But It Was Actually Sepsis
I haven’t exactly been feeling my best lately – low energy, dull skin tone, regular menstruation, etc. All the signs that a good old-fashioned cleanse was in order. To celebrate, I went over to my tattoo artist’s house and got myself some new ink made from only the finest all-natural organic vegetable oils and flower […]
What Is This? Is This Blood? Whose Blood Is This?
Guys. Stop everything. There’s blood on the floor. I’m pretty sure this is blood. The Bunny Ears LA office has blood in it right now. Everybody stop meditating and ear candling! Look at this! Somebody claim your blood! Stop typing what I’m saying, Shawn, stop typing and explain this blood. Maybe this is prop blood. WHOSE […]
This Isn’t A Sponsored Article Touting The Benefits of Wellman’s Unfiltered Stillwater Algae Night Cream
I used to be so disappointed when I saw myself in the mirror first thing in the morning. Did time, stress, sleeplessness, parenthood, and all of those speedballs I did in my twenties conspire to ruin the beauty that got me invited to all those secret ritualistic orgies? Yes. Yes, they had. But that all changed […]
Dog Yoga + Human Butt Sniffing: Bonding With Man’s Best Friend
You think about your dog. Of course you do. Their cute little button nose. Their thin yet powerful haunches. But do you actually think about your dog? No one else is there for you like your pupper is. Nobody else lights up when you enter the room after being gone for just five damn minutes. […]
A Few Ways To Break-Up With Someone Who Won’t Take No For An Answer
They say breaking up is hard to do, but it’s immensely harder if your significant other won’t allow it. You say “We’re over,” they say “Sushi for dinner?” You say, “Sure, I’m starved,” and round and round you go. But don’t lose hope. You don’t have to stay stuck in this relationship until death do […]
Heeeeeeyyyyy, Gurrrlll!! Wanna Be A #BossBabe Like Me?
Heyyyyy Gurrrllll !!! <3 <3 😀 😀 I know we haven’t talked in a hot minute (since like high school, right? CRAZY!). Anyway, how are you? I’m just #bossbabe-ing it up! Do you have a second? I want to tell you about my #personal #journey. Well you know after high school I got my marketing […]
A More Modern Memento: Going HAM Online With Short Term Memory Loss!
What site is this? The blue header … It looks like Facebook. Wait … Doesn’t Twitter sometimes have a blue header? My God, what if I’ve taken a left turn and stumbled into Tumblr territory? My name is Ken Hanley, and I suffer from short-term memory loss as a result of a vicious assault by […]
Unconscious Uncoupling: Your Guide To A Pain-Free, One-Sided, Secret Divorce
Much has been made of Bunny Ears hero Gwyneth Paltrow’s decision to “consciously uncouple” from ex-husband Chris Martin, a process that entails mindfully and sensitively detaching from your spouse. That might be fine for Gwynny (we get to call her Gwynny, you should absolutely not call her Gwynny), but what if you’re just, like, really […]
I Unplugged For Two And A Half Hours And Now I’m An Objectively Better Person Than You
I was like you, once. Obsessed with my online reputation, getting into pointless arguments on Twitter, refreshing my news feeds every five seconds. I was wasting my life away, one click at a time. But then I stepped away from the Internet for a while and taught myself an important lesson about what really matters […]
9/11 Was An Inside Job And Thanks To Turmeric My Skin Has Never Looked Better
You know, there was one silver lining to come from the tragedy that was September 11, 2001. Immediately after this ruthless attack, we banded together for the good of the nation, becoming stronger, more resolute, and more unified as a result. And in doing so we proudly showed the world one indisputable fact about Americans: […]
The Psychic Life-Hack That’ll Change How You Go To The Dentist
It may sound far-fetched and perhaps even insane, but psychic dentistry is the one true way to tame your mouth aura.
Free Monthly Horoscopes – June Edition
Summer is officially here, so astrally project yourself into your monthly Horoscope Guide. Whether you intend to have a summer of love or a summer of deep thought and solitude, the stars have their own plan for you, and all it takes is a receptive ear to listen to the Universe’s motherly whisper. Aquarius: As […]
Giving Your Child The Advantages Of Your Immense Wealth Without Being A Helicopter Parent
One of the best things about being obscenely loaded is that you can ensure your children also enjoy the benefits of immense wealth, thus perpetuating a rock-solid cycle of compounding privilege that will echo down your bloodline for years to come. However, be wary of becoming not just a helicopter parent but the even more […]
I Spent A Year Taking Only Sound Baths And Here’s What Happened
In an effort to preserve water and single-handedly save the entire state of California, I’ve been seeking out alternatives to wasteful aquatic baths. My dear friend Sheila told me about something called “sound baths” at our last solstice circle, and I was eager to hear more. I decided to invite Sheila over for some crabgrass […]
Children’s Party Ideas That’ll Really Make Your Kids Earn Their Keep
Listen, you have to throw at least a few birthday parties for those sticky, squirmy parasites who insist on calling you “Mommy” no matter how many times you tell them your actual name. If you don’t, your mom-friends will start to get resentful of how many cupcakes they’ve forked out in the past, and it’s […]
We Found Out Which Snot-Nosed, Filthy Kid Got Your Child Sick This Week
It was Bryce. It’s always fucking Bryce.
I Shadowed My Dog For A Day And Here Are The Lessons I Learned
I’m on a path towards self-discovery. What is happiness? How can I live my best life? Should I have a mantra? To find these answers — and so much more — I decided to shadow someone I admire. Someone who demands both love and respect. Someone my parents are proud to call their own. I’m of […]
Gender Reveal Party Ideas So Good That Everyone Will Be Talking About Your Baby’s Genitals For Months
So you want to announce the gender of your unborn child, and you want that announcement to be as garish as possible. We totally get you. But how do you make your gender reveal party stand out amidst balloons, confetti, piñatas, and cupcakes? You have to think big — as big as the belly that’s about […]
My Doctor Told Me I Have A Week To Live And This Is How Crazy I’m Going To Spend It
If you look up the definition of “wallflower” in the dictionary, my picture should be next to it, provided it’s some kind of picture book dictionary. I hate confrontation and avoid it at all cost. My parents thought I was intellectually disabled because I didn’t speak until I was five years old. I’m not stupid; […]
Raising The Antichrist: The Fine Line Between Follower And Father
Today’s generation of parents face a very difficult decision: how do you define your relationship with your child? With the omnipresence of social media, the dangers of the digital age, and changing social norms, there’s more pressure than ever to be more like a “friend” to your children rather than a “guardian.” Besides, if you […]
Life Tip: Do One Thing Every Day That Scares Character Actor Ray Wise
The term “comfort zone” may sound like a positive thing, but our lives can quickly stagnate when we don’t expand our own personal comfort zones on a regular basis. Fortunately, fear, as uncomfortable as it can be, is one of the world’s great motivators. Which is why for the sake of our ongoing personal development, […]
How To Get Over Your Unemployment Blues (In Luxury)
We have all been there. You just got laid off from your job and you are feeling a little blue about it. Even during a dark time like being unemployed you have to remember that self care is very important. You may be rapidly running out of funds, but if you don’t feel great about […]
The Beginner’s Guide to Raising Your Gifted Kombucha
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide to [Blank], our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. Life is full of exciting opportunities, and while it’s fine to tackle a new adventure on your own, we here at Bunny Ears know that it’s better […]
Living Off The Grid Is Super Healthy If You’re Already Lucky Enough To Be Healthy
I freed myself from the trappings of modernity to live amongst nature, and it was the healthiest decision I ever made. Here, in my simple cabin in the woods, the wilderness is my antidepressant, the herbs I grow are my medication, and my nagging cough is trivial compared to the majestic beauty that surrounds me […]
All This Mom Wants For Mother’s Day Is Some Great Dad Dick And For Her Kids To STFU
This time of year most Moms are gearing up to partake in the Mother’s Day tradition of being forced to pretend uncooked pasta is a viable fashion choice. One woman is hoping her kids get the hint that all she wants is for them to shut the fuck up for a few hours and some […]
The PERFECT Mother’s Day Gifts (For Your Dead Mom)
If you can’t rest in peace, you should rest in style, and we’ve got the best Mother’s Day gift guide to help your dead mom out!
People Keep Thinking I Speak in Wise Metaphors But I’m a Literal Idiot
I don’t think of myself as an especially wise person, but occasionally I do have revelations. This morning, for example, I told the barista making my latte that I had just realized something very important. “You can’t go through life with your emergency brake on,” I said. “It just creates friction and then when you […]
Productivity Tip: Perfect Is The Enemy Of Good, As Is Gozan The Annihilator!
By Gozan The Annihilator Whether you’re engaging in a creative endeavor, a self-improvement goal, or your nine-to-five job, you’ve likely grown up being told to do your very best. And rightly so. However, many people take this advice to the extreme, only to find their productivity paralyzed by the daunting task of getting things “just […]