Help! I’m Dating A Wrestling Monster, And He Cries Hardest When He Wins!
He says he has trouble controlling his happiness.
Summer Staples We Don’t Recommend You Stick Up Your Butt (This Time)
We’re saying ‘yes’ to summer and ‘no more’ to your lawsuits!
Don’t Just Minimize Your Pores, Psychologically Destroy Them
Humiliate them until they dissolve in shame and fear.
Summer’s Hottest Look Is Bleaching Then Tie-Dying Your Butthole
Bleaching your butthole is out. Bleaching then TIE-DYING your butthole is very in.
It Turns Out Oxygen Is Just A Poison That Takes 80 Years to Kill Us
100% of people who breathe oxygen will die at some point in their life.
Confront Your Fears And Self-Doubt By Practicing Open-Eye Sneezing
Yes, your eyes WILL fly out of your head and dangle on your cheeks. But you’ll have confronted your fears in the process.
The Most Traumatizing Public Sex Maneuvers For Innocent Bystanders
You might never be able to stay at any Marriott-affiliated hotel or resort again. But it’s worth it!
Biodegradable Workout Equipment You’ll Only Use Once Anyway
Want to save the planet AND keep being an unimprovable slob? Our biodegradable work-out equipment lets you finally feel good about doing nothing!
Karaoke Songs With Long Instrumental Breaks Everyone Will Love
You’re probably used to singing the worst karaoke songs ever. If you’re one of those people who love singing songs that end too quickly, this is for you.
Exclusive: A Rebuttal from Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong
Nearly 30 years later, the subject of the Spin Doctors’ memorable hit gives HER side of the story.
Caring for Those Wild Animals Infesting Your Home Thanks to Jumanji
So, you played Jumanji and now your house is filled to the brim with animals. What do you do now?
Even We’re Not Dumb Enough To Put Ginger Up Our Butts
We’ve got the ‘sticking stuff up your butt’ beat covered, thanks.
I’m Furious That Bunny Ears Used My Picture in an Article about Micropenises
When Bunny Ears used a stock image of my face in an article about micropenises, I thought my life was over. It was only just beginning.
How to Decide Which Cat Is Inheriting Your Fortune
You may love your cats equally, but they aren’t all equal when it comes to personal responsibility.
Vape in Style at Grandma’s Funeral Because Your Family Hates You Anyway
Vape in style at your grandma’s funeral with these perfect, stylish rigs.
The Best Abrasive Sponges for Detoxing Your Filthy Penis
When it comes to personal hygiene, many of us men run into the same problem. How do we keep our penises clean, when they’re such dirty lil’ things?
I Didn’t Vaccinate My Kid Because You Know Who Loves Needles? Junkies
One taste of that needle now, and they’ll be hooked for life.
Cage-Free Children: Right For You?
If you’re raising one of these “cage-free children,” you’re a crappy parent. There, we said it.
Welcome To The Bunny Ears Sex Issue, Which Is Mostly Just Garfield Erotica
We really didn’t think this one through
I Keep Accidentally Going To Spin Classes That Turn Out To Be Cleverly Named Laundromats
I ended up leaving after they finished playing “You Spin Me Right Round (Like A Record)” by Dead Or Alive for the sixth time. Is this all they play at this place, like, constantly on loop?
I Am NOT Trying To Cook You In This Ramen Noodle Bath
No, I’m not going to cook you in this soothing ramen noodle bath, dangit. And frankly, I’m offended you would even ask that.
The Bunny Ears ‘Fuck A Killer’ Subscription Box
Because this is apparently what you guys want? Really?
I Shouldn’t Be Charged For The Hotel Room I Destroyed Doing Rage Yoga
I know I destroyed that hotel room. But you can’t persecute me for participating in rage yoga. I will contest this outrageous bill.
How To Surreptitiously Moisturize Your Husband
Is your husband’s skin dry, cracked, or scaly? Here’s some sneaky, virtually fool-proof ways to get that man to moisturize.
Charitable Pooping Is A Thing And Allow Me To Explain
Ever feel like you’re letting your poops go to waste? Have you ever considered dropping them on the doorstep of people who may or may not need them?
7 Lavish 4/20 Vacation Destinations Between Your Couch And Kitchen
Where are you going to go for Weed Christmas? Are you staying home? If so, here are the best spots for that perfect 4/20 vacation in your drab apartment.
Our Festival Season Guide To The Most Luxe Antibiotics
Our hot new antibiotics primer let’s you get the most out of this year’s music festival without looking like a basic penicillin loser.
Here’s What Happened When I Stopped Saying ‘Sorry,’ Mostly to My Assistant
Pretty soon I stopped saying, “I’m sorry, why is this extra hot latte I asked for undrinkably hot? Are you trying to kill me via Starbucks?” and started saying, “Thank you for burning my tongue and ruining my day, you incompetent shit.”