The Realm of The Piss Demon And Other Dirtiest Places In Your Home
The toilet is where the pee-pee and poops leave your body,
Science Says Intelligent People Have Bad Habits, So I’m Clearly A Genius
I forgot to pay a parking ticket because it was buried under greasy KFC boxes and dead spiders on my desk.
What Is This Bird Box Service And Can I Order ‘Just The Beaks’?
Honestly, what is bird box and why are all of my friends talking about it?
Poop Doulas And 4 Other Types Of Doulas You Didn’t Know You Need
A good doula is duty-bound to help you do things your way!
My Resolution Is To Be A Better Person So I Chose Jane from Accounting
Everyone loves Jane. No one likes me. So, Jane seemed like the perfect resolution.
Conquer Your Kid’s Fear of the Dark by Criticizing Them All Day
It won’t be long before your child starts to crave the dark. No more crying when you put them to bed!
My New Year’s Resolution Is To Shove My Son Back Up In There
I gave birth to him, and I can un-give it, too.
This Year I’ll Finally Finish Bricking My Nemesis Behind That Wall
Building a tiny walled prison is one of those chores that demands attention but doesn’t excite your passion.
The Newest Therapy Trend: Telling The Grocery Clerk How Sad You Are
A therapist is just someone you pay to listen and be nice to you. At Trader Joe’s they do it for free.
Noticing—and Correcting—Mouth Breathing. You Fucking Mouth Breather.
Theodore Roosevelt, Genghis Khan, Gandhi, the Buddha — all proud nose breathers, pal.
What’s All This, Then? Objectively, Nothing Matters, So … Fuck It?
Seriously. Do whatever the fuck you want.
This Mom’s New Years Resolution Is To Get Turnt The Fuck Up
This year, my goal is to get shwiggity fuckin’ shwasted, and I can’t wait to get to it!
Relationship Advice: How Do I Get A Daddy Like Santa?
Santa is the ultimate space daddy and now you may want to get your own but stay away!
Simple Tricks To Make Their Funeral All About You
When someone you care about dies, it’s vital to keep the focus on what really matters: YOU!
How I Found Enlightenment By Staging My Own Kidnapping
I hope they let me play myself in the movie version of this story.
Is It Gay If My Husband Swallows A Gingerbread Man?
If my husband so much as touches a Christmas cookie again I’m leaving!
Woo Your Future Mate With The Seductive Art Of Whale Screaming
And don’t forget to buy my companion book!
Which Christmas Tree Is Right For Your Empty, Loveless Apartment?
Deck the halls with a perfect Christmas tree, you absolutely miserable bastard.
Holiday Dating Hack: Just Fuck Your Cousins?
Same time, same place, same genetics. Eh, with modern dating, who has time to care about all three?
Let Go Of Toxic Relationships: Ignore The Homeless Kittens In Your Shed
When was the last time a litter of helpless newborn kittens did anything nice for YOU?
Finding Myself: Why I Joined A Gang Of Sewer-Dwelling Martial Artists
It started when I saw three mysterious figures dancing around a barrel fire in the sewer.
Holiday Party Idea: Pushing Over Children At The Skating Rink
We need a fun and competitive blood sport that combines hockey with a dash of child abuse.
How To Be A ‘Cool Aunt’ Just To Get Revenge On Your Sibling
Revenge on your sibling should fuel most of your life decisions.
Forgiveness: My Husband Won’t Let me Throw A Birthday Party For My Dog
I am strong, and I can forgive. Just like Ghandi.
Panic Healing: A New Healing Method We Invented Via Typo
It’s a lot like pranic healing, but with more panic.
Make Eye Contact With The Groupon People In Your Pilates Class
At Bunny Ears we’re all about finding new ways to give back while still putting yourself first
I Won’t Breastfeed My Child, And If That Makes Me A Bad Dad, So Be It
I don’t care what you think of me. I’m not going to do it.
#MondayMotivation From Macaulay Culkin (December 2018 Edition)
Mack’s here every Monday with life advice!
Our Take On Israel/Palestine Because For Some Reason You Keep Asking
We are always happy to address questions raised by our fans, even when the issue is controversial.
From The Archives: Bunny Ears Explains How To Deal With The Vapours
A rare and delightful treat from the Bunny Ears Archive!
Goddess Problems: When The Pegasus You Summoned Is Kind Of A Dick
Sometimes your pegasus is a god damn pegadick.
Increase Your Positivity: Respond To Criticism With Lyrics From ‘Rent’
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries, to yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese!
Protect Our Nation’s Forests So I Have A Place to Play Pretend Witch
Thirty percent of the world’s area is covered in forest, yet miles and miles of trees are bulldozed every year to accommodate the agriculture industry, housing developments, and our favorite stationary products from Paper Source. Ugh, guilty! Their stuff is so cute! But not only does this destruction ruin natural animal habitats and increase the […]
Holiday Messages To Let Your Black Friend Know You Don’t See Color
“Boy, do I miss Obama! Merry X-Mas!”
The Way You Spell Hanukkah Could Determine If You’re A Sociopath
So, what’s it gonna be? You a man with a big C? Double N? What are we gonna do here
I Won’t Circumcise My Son Until He Is 18 And I Can Guilt Him Into It
It is his right to choose what I know is best for him.
Spa Treatments Perfect For After Long Days Of Sexual Harassment
Scrub off dead skin cells AND all those disgusting comments you heard today.