food and recipes – Page 2

I Ate This One Thing Every Morning And It Changed My Life

To feel truly different, you’re going to have to make some real life alterations so that you don’t fall back into your old habits. I completely changed my life by eating the same unlikely thing every morning. And that thing is a box of thumbtacks.

by Brian Boone

Which Diet Gave Me Chlamydia? An Investigation

I needed to lose some weight. The problem was I didn’t know where to start: Atkins, Keto, intermittent fasting—to name just a few. The more I researched, the more confused I got. Which is why I decided to try them all to figure out which works best for me and my body. And now I …

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by Luis Prada

How To Make Mac And Cheese For Your Black Friends, AKA The Correct Way

Step one: Grab your box of raisins. Throw it out the window.

by Archie Grimm

Which Artisan-Crafted DUI is Right For You?

Anyone can get caught speeding with a few Fentanyl IPA patches on their arm and a desire for danger.

by Michael Dawson

Recipes For Boogers Since That’s The Only Thing My Gross Kids Will Eat

At your wit’s end with your kids eating their boogers instead of your delicious homemade meals?

by Luis Prada

Our Article Ideas Algorithm Says You Should Marinate Chicken In Piss

It’s never been wrong before…

by Luis Prada

Hey—This Food Hall Is Just A Food Court With Fancy Lights!

We see you.

by Luis Prada

Bay Leaves Are A Damn Lie

You are paying $8 an ounce for LIES

by Luis Prada

BBQ Recipes So Good You’ll Go ”I’m so sorry about slavery.”

Finger licking good. Also, really really sorry about slavery.

by Michael Dawson

Way Too Formal Breakfasts For After Casual Sex

I have always considered myself a sex-positive woman. I have needs, and I’m not afraid to admit it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t treat my (extremely casual, no strings-attached) partner, Liam, with dignity and kindness. We might not be a couple (which again, I’m 100% okay with), but I don’t ever want him to …

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by Elizabeth Teets

The Apex Diet: Eat Only What Can Eat You!

For as long as I could remember, I’ve always been a pussy. I vividly recall the days where I’d be standing alongside countless cowards at the nearest grocery store, spending my hard-earned money on frozen pizzas, boxes of dry macaroni, or preservative-filled burgers. Some call it sustenance. Some even call it satisfying. But let’s call …

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by Ken Hanley

These New Twists On Hot Cocoa Might Literally Save Your Life

Fellow spiritual siblings, if you’ve been on a vision journey over the last 12 months, you may be blissfully preparing for the season of peace and joy. Unfortunately, here on the bodily plane, it turns out that everything everywhere is now terrible. But nothing can stop the lighting of the menorah or the trimming of …

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by Jessica Ellis

The All Cat Food Diet! (That Definitely Isn’t Just A Symptom of My Severe Toxoplasmosis)

Guys. GUYS. I really need to tell you about this amazing new cat food diet and how it has improved my life. This isn’t another one of my fads. This has undeniable results. I’ve saved so much money, lost so much weight, and no longer fret about pretty much anything. And it’s fostered a stronger …

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by Rani Baker

Meat-Based Tofu Alternatives We Love

Are you struggling to find a good replacement for the soy you love? You’re not totally tofurked. We’ve got a list of incredible meat alternatives.

by Ella Gale

There Are So Many Things Besides Stuffing You Can Put In A Turkey

So, so many things.

by Brian Boone

The Real Nutritional Supplement Was Inside You All Along

But how did I get regular after taking the supplements when I was so constipated before, you ask? Guess what. That was also you. Your poops were stuck inside your colon waiting for you to believe in yourself.

by Heidi Lux

Mmm Look at This Pie I Baked That None of My Thin Children Are Allowed to Eat

After spending an entire weekend indoors baking and decorating like a madwoman, my Pinterest foodie page is off the frickin’ charts right now. Look at this pie. Look at it. When it comes to pretty food, I am Michelangelo. But just as you do not touch the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, none of my …

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by Courtney Paige Barnett

These Incredible Vegan Sugar Cookies Are Worth The Journey

Oh, I’ll Tell You How To Make These Vegan Sugar Cookies, But First You’ll Have To Read My Ridiculously Long Sugar Cookie Journey

Hey guys, I’m so glad that you came to check out my fave sugar cookie recipe! I know you probably just want to scroll down to the ingredients and get the recipe, but I’m going to make that as difficult for you as possible. Some might say I’m holding the recipe hostage. But instead of …

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by Lydia Bugg

I Support Wildlife Preservation So I Can Eat The Last Of Every Animal

Yes, even the cute ones. Especially the cute ones. Mmmmm delicious wildlife preservation.

by Rani Baker

You Legally Can’t Stop Us From Saying These Recipes Are Brownies

We checked.

by Jessica Ellis

The Best Places To Steal Mimosas

I can afford them. But I am charming and special and I refuse.

by Carolyn Burke

The Beginner’s Guide To Fine-Dining Terminology

The world of fine dining has its own complex language that can turn a romantic date into a confusing embarrassment if you don’t know the lingo. Worry no more, because we’re here to help.

by Luis Prada