If Dick Cheney had a period the Iraq war would have never been started because he would be too busy going to the hospital every full moon.
You aren’t paying all that money for someone to tell you you are wrong!
Your marriage is more like gold than you think, which is why you should invest in both your love and this incredibly stable currency form TODAY!
Each author on this list is more talented than all the men here combined.
Move over Fudgy the Whale, crude needle poke tattoos are the new big children’s party must-have of the year!
That’s right—working isn’t just for poor people.
Do you know what it’s like to have your child come home with a report card that says she’s “such a bright student and a joy to be around” but says nothing – nothing – about you?
This needs to stop. My mother’s threatening to leave.
Boy do these sting!
It’s so much healthier to bring your baby into the world with a water birth. And it costs next to nothing to do it down at the local pool!
We’ve all been there.
I already know the answer due to my years of experience as a dream interpreter, but have you tried watching something other than porn as you fall asleep?
I am not here for it.
Say you already know your healthy husband is about to die from mysterious causes. Which life insurance policy should you choose for him?
The neighbors were admittedly displeased.
I can’t help but wonder: when will it be my turn? When will I get to delicately balance myself on four posts above some woman as she marries the man of her dreams?
What possible reason could they have to object to this beautiful forty foot silk effigy of a naked hairy Greek New Age musician?
Everything seems awful all of the time these days, but are you sure that’s really the case? We’ll make the case that you should cheer up a bit.
Jesus Christ, really? I can’t wait to see the suggested ads on this one.
As a five time Breastfeeding Olympic athlete there is nothing I wouldn’t do to grab another gold. This is what I am doing to train.
And with your favorite electronic friend, there won’t be any arguing over what to marathon or whether chocolate or popcorn is the better bed snack!
It’s so weird that most of us were scandalized when Prince William and Princess Kate decided to take on a third party into their marriage.
We asked our very own Bunny Ears team what they’ve always wanted from their Valentine. Pay attention! Chances are your special someone will want one of these romantic gifts too.
No need to thank us.
They’re working for exposure so we started off by exposing them to the measles!
If you gotta go, you gotta go mourned eternally by someone who found true love just to have it slip through their fingers by the cruelty of fate (and that double-decker bus.)
Full disclosure, your husband emailed to us because your sex life sounds like a mess.
Because therapy is expensive.
And wind chimes!
Crystals are supposed to manifest health and power but all I manifested was my swift and brutal downfall.
If you breed your children, you’re literally worse than a hypothetical love child made from the union of Hitler and Stalin, who was then was nannied by Pol Pot.
Now the little green owl will guilt you into learning the language of the lowly and the downtrodden!
I couldn’t be more thrilled.
Glaring at strangers is the newest most innovative way to cut out time wasted on your phone.
Seriously just fucking take them.
Read it and then provide at least several pages of feedback and suggestions. The talking hippo is named Everett and he mostly screams.
Live in the natural squalor you deserve.
The guy can really use the help, and I’m here to give it to him one 90 mile-an-hour moonstone fastball at a time.
I will not let my beautiful border collie suffer alone!
This is your special time! Turn every possible opportunity into your favor.
With the right team of professionals, your child can avoid any and all consequences.
Because why shouldn’t they learn from your fears?
The bros got Vince through eight seasons and one movie.
Get that guy fired—your way.
