Spiritual Wellness

(Jerking off outside.)

Even if the people who own the zoo keep telling you to please stop doing that.

No one else feels lonely. Ever. It’s just you, the person reading this piece right now.

The toilet is where the pee-pee and poops leave your body,

A good doula is duty-bound to help you do things your way!

Everyone loves Jane. No one likes me. So, Jane seemed like the perfect resolution.

It won’t be long before your child starts to crave the dark. No more crying when you put them to bed!

Building a tiny walled prison is one of those chores that demands attention but doesn’t excite your passion.

A therapist is just someone you pay to listen and be nice to you. At Trader Joe’s they do it for free.

Literally.

Immortality is now just a click away.

This year, my goal is to get shwiggity fuckin’ shwasted, and I can’t wait to get to it!

Santa is the ultimate space daddy and now you may want to get your own but stay away!

It’s the only way.

If my husband so much as touches a Christmas cookie again I’m leaving!

And don’t forget to buy my companion book!

Same time, same place, same genetics. Eh, with modern dating, who has time to care about all three?

When was the last time a litter of helpless newborn kittens did anything nice for YOU?

It started when I saw three mysterious figures dancing around a barrel fire in the sewer.

Revenge on your sibling should fuel most of your life decisions.

I am strong, and I can forgive. Just like Ghandi.

It’s a lot like pranic healing, but with more panic.

Because god damn do they need it

At Bunny Ears we’re all about finding new ways to give back while still putting yourself first

I don’t care what you think of me. I’m not going to do it.

Mack’s here every Monday with life advice!

We are always happy to address questions raised by our fans, even when the issue is controversial.

“Boy, do I miss Obama! Merry X-Mas!”

So, what’s it gonna be? You a man with a big C? Double N? What are we gonna do here

It is his right to choose what I know is best for him.

There was literally no way to prevent this.

Teach that stupid furball to stop being such a basic bitch

And not even one of the good subs

He was known as The Captain back then.

He’s just as untamable as any beast.

Whenever you’re about to do something, stop to think “Would a happy person do this?” If the answer is no, recalibrate your plans.

His name and intent remain unknown.

If you’re comfortable with me telling your children to eat shit but not telling them to get fucked, I need to know that beforehand.

Which one is worse though?

Why is Thanksgiving so damn complicated?

It was a fairly unremarkable day as a writer for Bunny Ears.  I woke up around 3PM, hungover, logged into the work Slack and realized we had kidnapped one of the therapists for Goop. My position requires me to remotely contact the main office, as is typical in the current freelance gig economy. I was […]

Hey James, fuck you you disgusting shit. Everyone else, please learn to accept your body as it is!

Mobile board yoga, the newest Hollywood fitness craze, is the real deal.