It has zero to do with our recent legal troubles, okay?
Building a tiny walled prison is one of those chores that demands attention but doesn’t excite your passion.
A therapist is just someone you pay to listen and be nice to you. At Trader Joe’s they do it for free.
They’re just extremely delicious drones.
We would never want to cramp your hump-pumping with the cruel reality of below freezing weather.
“Grilled cheese” is a relative term.
HACK THE PLANET! HACK THE PLANNNNEEEEET!
Who needs kindling when you have these literally classics?
Spider Milk? Wait no spiders do silk. Right. Ignore this. Pretend we never suggested it.
Literally.
Immortality is now just a click away.
This year, my goal is to get shwiggity fuckin’ shwasted, and I can’t wait to get to it!
It’s incredibly disturbing.
Santa is the ultimate space daddy and now you may want to get your own but stay away!
Obadiah died in war!
Nothing sucks the air out of a holiday gathering like sugar-free baked goods and the son with a face only a mother would want to disown.
Morally compromise everyone you love for the day of your dreams.
Fuck! Are you feeling this?
You don’t even have to be dead!
Getting crushed to death never felt so safe.
It’s the only way.
If my husband so much as touches a Christmas cookie again I’m leaving!
And don’t forget to buy my companion book!
Same time, same place, same genetics. Eh, with modern dating, who has time to care about all three?
All level-headed, thoughtful adults know that Santa is totally real and totally in need of some sweet Christmas presents.
The backyard is a place just for you and your family. It’s a private outdoor sanctuary in which to reflect and commune with nature.
When was the last time a litter of helpless newborn kittens did anything nice for YOU?
It started when I saw three mysterious figures dancing around a barrel fire in the sewer.
I have goddamn robot shoes. What now?
I can get so much done now!
Everything must go! As soon as possible!
Revenge on your sibling should fuel most of your life decisions.
Red is the color of stop and blood!
I am strong, and I can forgive. Just like Ghandi.
Mother Earth is counting on you.
“Did you know that Austin, Texas had a serial killer that pre-dates Jack The Ripper?”
It’s a lot like pranic healing, but with more panic.
Yeah, we are doomed, but at least there is cake!
She’s SO extra.
Because god damn do they need it
Here’s your official, foolproof STD diagnoses via unforgettable song stylings that, believe it or not, beat West Side Story out for a Tony. Because racism.
At Bunny Ears we’re all about finding new ways to give back while still putting yourself first
I don’t care what you think of me. I’m not going to do it.
Mack’s here every Monday with life advice!
