Lifestyle

Don’t act like you don’t have a thousand favorite subscription boxes.

We might be living in a lifeless, barren wasteland, but it’s nothing a little color wouldn’t spruce up if we hadn’t killed every color but grey!

The other alternative is to just keep your big mouth shut and starve to death. #horoscopes

We really didn’t think this one through

I thought my life was over when I changed my identity and was forced into hiding. But boy was I wrong

Based on my experience, these are hard rules (no exceptions) on how to catch the absolute perfect, most brilliant, driven person ever. 

Hey Janice just wanted to let you know that sweater is super cute and also cancer but you’ve got like thirty years.

I ended up leaving after they finished playing “You Spin Me Right Round (Like A Record)” by Dead Or Alive for the sixth time. Is this all they play at this place, like, constantly on loop?

No, I’m not going to cook you in this soothing ramen noodle bath, dangit. And frankly, I’m offended you would even ask that.

Minimum effort with maximum reminders that you’re great and everyone else can suck it.

Because this is apparently what you guys want? Really?

I can feel it when I’m eating.

We know you loved Dad, but we also know you love the environment more. Use this opportunity to teach everyone about the true beauty of upcycling.

Will they be able to keep up with all those little creeps, goobers, freak-balls and toenail chewers? I’m just not convinced.

Is your husband’s skin dry, cracked, or scaly? Here’s some sneaky, virtually fool-proof ways to get that man to moisturize.

Ever feel like you’re letting your poops go to waste? Have you ever considered dropping them on the doorstep of people who may or may not need them?

Are you tired of the bitter tasted of crushed up pills? Boy do we have something for you!

“Who even told you that was a thing? — Our Doctor

Here are some wacky and nostalgic recipes for edibles baked in the fiery kiln of an Easy-Bake Oven. Users be warned: It isn’t always easy being easy baked.

It’s just my unbiased opinion.

It’s gotta be good for something, right?

Our hot new antibiotics primer let’s you get the most out of this year’s music festival without looking like a basic penicillin loser.

If you get halfway through a cookie and find out it has pistachios, you can go ahead and finish it if the cookie is really good.

Bad news: you won’t be taking a glorious spring beach escape this year. Good news: We found out who booked your spot, and they’re so much cooler than you!

We followed Rami Malek around to see what he gets up to, and then kidnapped him!

Cut out the middleman and prep for the bully’s palette instead! It’s good to know there’s at least one person likes your cooking.

Pretty soon I stopped saying, “I’m sorry, why is this extra hot latte I asked for undrinkably hot? Are you trying to kill me via Starbucks?” and started saying, “Thank you for burning my tongue and ruining my day, you incompetent shit.”

Show your tree how much you love it…physically.

These cute and cuddly teddy bears are a great way to accentuate your manly space.

We asked a team of experts.

FYI it’s gonna fuck you up!

We prefer cash. Thanks.

Hint: It’s whatever we want!

Because every woman has been there.

Your move, Edwina.

Your wedding gift registry isn’t about tradition, it’s about letting guests know you can outscrew anyone, in explicit detail!

Some self-described Sapiosexuals are pansexual and pretentious, but others are just pretentious. You’re smart, you fuck smart, and everyone should know it.

A few easy tricks to help soften the blow.

The long wet reign of terror by 69 is out. It’s time for a new sex number, baby. Meet 82, the number that ones to get down and dirty with YOU!

The ocean is terrible and full of scary fish and fish-monsters. Why do you want to go there? What’s wrong with you?

Stop spitting them into the garbage and do something useful with those beetles that emerge from your mouth for inscrutable reasons.