Lifestyle

The color of the month is flesh!

This needs to stop. My mother’s threatening to leave.

You’ll look fabulous—no matter how many atrocities you commit!

You will reach unfathomable velocity.

We would publish photos of the dress, but those unfitting of the dress won’t be able to see it, feel jealous, and then report us for posting images of naked women. Please don’t hate us because our eyes can see a fabric that represents the epitome of haute couture!

Boy do these sting!

It’s so much healthier to bring your baby into the world with a water birth. And it costs next to nothing to do it down at the local pool!

What the real danger is here? A virus I specifically designed to kill 90% of the population, or the untested vaccine for it? I think you know my answer.

Don’t let disease get you down. Fight through your illness with our bold new method of denying its existence! You’ll be healthy in no time!

Why are you doing this to yourself? To all of us?

I mean who knows, right?

We’ve all been there.

I already know the answer due to my years of experience as a dream interpreter, but have you tried watching something other than porn as you fall asleep?

The advice for taking a big old honker of a butt plug is the same advice that’s going to help you power your bottom through your podcast’s third rebrand.

I am not here for it.

Say you already know your healthy husband is about to die from mysterious causes. Which life insurance policy should you choose for him?

The neighbors were admittedly displeased.

You probably don’t have anything meaningful to do right now anyway.

I can’t help but wonder: when will it be my turn? When will I get to delicately balance myself on four posts above some woman as she marries the man of her dreams?

What possible reason could they have to object to this beautiful forty foot silk effigy of a naked hairy Greek New Age musician?

Everything seems awful all of the time these days, but are you sure that’s really the case? We’ll make the case that you should cheer up a bit.

I can’t wait until one of my doctors makes an innocent mistake while adjusting the settings on the cryo-tank and it turns me into Mr. Freeze.

Finally!

Jesus Christ, really? I can’t wait to see the suggested ads on this one.

As a five time Breastfeeding Olympic athlete there is nothing I wouldn’t do to grab another gold. This is what I am doing to train.

You heard us.

And with your favorite electronic friend, there won’t be any arguing over what to marathon or whether chocolate or popcorn is the better bed snack!

It’s so weird that most of us were scandalized when Prince William and Princess Kate decided to take on a third party into their marriage.

Indulge your inner nymph, you holier-than-thou P.O.S. you!

Here are some recommendations for weekend trips that will make this Valentines Day unforgettable. Even if it means you’ll never forget how bad it was.

We asked our very own Bunny Ears team what they’ve always wanted from their Valentine. Pay attention! Chances are your special someone will want one of these romantic gifts too.

No need to thank us.

They’re working for exposure so we started off by exposing them to the measles!

If you gotta go, you gotta go mourned eternally by someone who found true love just to have it slip through their fingers by the cruelty of fate (and that double-decker bus.)

New Orleans celebrates Mardi Gras the two weeks before Shrove Tuesday, which is … when?

Full disclosure, your husband emailed to us because your sex life sounds like a mess.

You asked, I answered!

While It Didn’t Do Great In The States, The Film Was A Big Hit In The Republic Of Macedonia Where It Released Under The Title “Kill Ponytail Father”

Could you imagine if someone actually made a blackface jumper and sold it?

You’ll look like a parent with impeccable modern taste, but you’ll never have to put your skills to use because your child won’t have any friends left!

Because therapy is expensive.

And wind chimes!

Crystals are supposed to manifest health and power but all I manifested was my swift and brutal downfall.