And with your favorite electronic friend, there won’t be any arguing over what to marathon or whether chocolate or popcorn is the better bed snack!
It’s so weird that most of us were scandalized when Prince William and Princess Kate decided to take on a third party into their marriage.
Indulge your inner nymph, you holier-than-thou P.O.S. you!
Here are some recommendations for weekend trips that will make this Valentines Day unforgettable. Even if it means you’ll never forget how bad it was.
We asked our very own Bunny Ears team what they’ve always wanted from their Valentine. Pay attention! Chances are your special someone will want one of these romantic gifts too.
No need to thank us.
They’re working for exposure so we started off by exposing them to the measles!
If you gotta go, you gotta go mourned eternally by someone who found true love just to have it slip through their fingers by the cruelty of fate (and that double-decker bus.)
New Orleans celebrates Mardi Gras the two weeks before Shrove Tuesday, which is … when?
Full disclosure, your husband emailed to us because your sex life sounds like a mess.
You asked, I answered!
While It Didn’t Do Great In The States, The Film Was A Big Hit In The Republic Of Macedonia Where It Released Under The Title “Kill Ponytail Father”
Could you imagine if someone actually made a blackface jumper and sold it?
You’ll look like a parent with impeccable modern taste, but you’ll never have to put your skills to use because your child won’t have any friends left!
Because therapy is expensive.
And wind chimes!
Crystals are supposed to manifest health and power but all I manifested was my swift and brutal downfall.
If you breed your children, you’re literally worse than a hypothetical love child made from the union of Hitler and Stalin, who was then was nannied by Pol Pot.
It’s for the best.
As a general rule, you should never exfoliate so much that you accidentally end up brushing your teeth with your finger tips and Clinique facial scrub.
Now the little green owl will guilt you into learning the language of the lowly and the downtrodden!
I couldn’t be more thrilled.
Like the say in business school, “Don’t blow your money. Let your money blow you.”
You can thank us later.
Amanda lives in Missoula, Montana, so we didn’t actually go out there to observe her morning routine firsthand even though LAX is one of the few airports that actually flies directly to Missoula because we’re scared of Republicans.
Hey look, it’s Denver!
Elon Musk is his hero! I tried to explain this to them but they kept asking if I wanted to sponsor the education for some child “in need.”
“I’m in hell.”
Glaring at strangers is the newest most innovative way to cut out time wasted on your phone.
It’s just science.
Frat parties and butt-chugging kegs are so passé. Sure they get you drunk and horny, but no one’s good at naked stuff when they’ve tossed back too many, so stop kidding yourself.
Just don’t call it your spirit animal, okay? That’s problematic.
The advantages of being white never go out of style!
And the president, vice-president, and several key cabinet members, too!
Penii? Penes? Amanda, what am I supposed to write here?
Oof, this sand is maybe *TOO* warm!
Seriously just fucking take them.
All you need is a scalpel and some time.
Read it and then provide at least several pages of feedback and suggestions. The talking hippo is named Everett and he mostly screams.
Imagine a world in which knives do not exist. Picture that world, and reach into your aged leather waist satchel for more Vicodin.
Live in the natural squalor you deserve.
The guy can really use the help, and I’m here to give it to him one 90 mile-an-hour moonstone fastball at a time.
I will not let my beautiful border collie suffer alone!
This is your special time! Turn every possible opportunity into your favor.
