These Crystals Have The Same Names As Women I Cheated On Karen With
Crystals are supposed to manifest health and power but all I manifested was my swift and brutal downfall.
Yes, My Child is a Rescue. It’s The Humane Thing To Do
If you breed your children, you’re literally worse than a hypothetical love child made from the union of Hitler and Stalin, who was then was nannied by Pol Pot.
Duolingo Courses Now Teach You How To Talk To Poors
Now the little green owl will guilt you into learning the language of the lowly and the downtrodden!
I Connected With My Deceased Father By Touching His Thermostat
He’s not a crime solving ghost, or a prophetic warning ghost. He’s just a cheap ghost.
Cut Down On Screen Time by Mad Dogging Strangers!
Glaring at strangers is the newest most innovative way to cut out time wasted on your phone.
Be The Most Fascinating Person at The Party By Drinking Mulled Urine
Hear me out, I don’t like the taste of piss. But I do like how it makes me appear interesting.
Sex Positions That Will Shock The Ghost Of That Victorian Prude
The spirit of Desdemona Turnerwood thinks you’re “vile, truly vile!”
I Think My Talkspace Therapist Is Just A German Shepherd With A Phone
I don’t know how it works, but it does!
Reach Enlightenment By Providing Feedback On My Talking Hippo Script
Read it and then provide at least several pages of feedback and suggestions. The talking hippo is named Everett and he mostly screams.
Heal Thy Neighbor By Throwing Crystals Through His Window
The guy can really use the help, and I’m here to give it to him one 90 mile-an-hour moonstone fastball at a time.
I’m Wearing This Cone To Better Empathize With My Dog
I will not let my beautiful border collie suffer alone!
Get The Attention You Deserve By Faking A Pregnancy (Again)
This is your special time! Turn every possible opportunity into your favor.
Choosing The Right PR Firm For Your Racist Kids
With the right team of professionals, your child can avoid any and all consequences.
Redirect Your Anxiety Into Your Children To Make Them Stronger
Because why shouldn’t they learn from your fears?
Self Care 101: Meditate To The Idea Of The Gang From ‘Entourage’
The bros got Vince through eight seasons and one movie.
Lydia Tries It! Shutting Up About Meghan Markle For Five Minutes
Wow! This is the hardest task I’ve ever tried to tackle for Bunny Ears you guys.
It’s Never Too Late To Start Planning Your Parents’ Funerals
Yes, even seventeen months after they died in that tragic safari giraffe stampede accident.
Support Nature By Yelling ‘Yaaas Queen’ At Pandas That Won’t Mate
Even if the people who own the zoo keep telling you to please stop doing that.
The Modern Loneliness Epidemic That’s Affecting You And Only You
No one else feels lonely. Ever. It’s just you, the person reading this piece right now.
The Realm of The Piss Demon And Other Dirtiest Places In Your Home
The toilet is where the pee-pee and poops leave your body,
Science Says Intelligent People Have Bad Habits, So I’m Clearly A Genius
I forgot to pay a parking ticket because it was buried under greasy KFC boxes and dead spiders on my desk.
What Is This Bird Box Service And Can I Order ‘Just The Beaks’?
Honestly, what is bird box and why are all of my friends talking about it?
Poop Doulas And 4 Other Types Of Doulas You Didn’t Know You Need
A good doula is duty-bound to help you do things your way!
My Resolution Is To Be A Better Person So I Chose Jane from Accounting
Everyone loves Jane. No one likes me. So, Jane seemed like the perfect resolution.
Conquer Your Kid’s Fear of the Dark by Criticizing Them All Day
It won’t be long before your child starts to crave the dark. No more crying when you put them to bed!
My New Year’s Resolution Is To Shove My Son Back Up In There
I gave birth to him, and I can un-give it, too.
This Year I’ll Finally Finish Bricking My Nemesis Behind That Wall
Building a tiny walled prison is one of those chores that demands attention but doesn’t excite your passion.
The Newest Therapy Trend: Telling The Grocery Clerk How Sad You Are
A therapist is just someone you pay to listen and be nice to you. At Trader Joe’s they do it for free.
Noticing—and Correcting—Mouth Breathing. You Fucking Mouth Breather.
Theodore Roosevelt, Genghis Khan, Gandhi, the Buddha — all proud nose breathers, pal.
What’s All This, Then? Objectively, Nothing Matters, So … Fuck It?
Seriously. Do whatever the fuck you want.
Katie Goldin’s Golden Rules
Weekly comics from the mind of Bunny Ears writer Katie Goldin. They're weird, they're funny, and they're always so pretty! The Goldin Rules…