Spiritual Wellness

We need to teach our boys consent, mutual respect, and how to freaking rock at magic.

My leash kid is on a leash. The dogs are on leashes. I don’t see the problem?

Self care is important. That’s why we want you to listen to your body. No, like REALLY listen to it. Know what we’re saying?

Having mulled over all the evidence since the dawn of time, we’ve realized that sex with men was an atrocious mistake, and we must apologize.

If you’re gonna sacrifice a virgin, you better sacrifice a virgin the right way.

Do animals put you in a better mood? Then you have to try the latest self-care trend, featuring adorable badgers! They’re cuddlier than they look!

This amazing new tobacco plant is all-natural and therefore must be healthy. Right?

If My Kids Love Me So Much, Why Won’t They Donate To My Patreon

You really shouldn’t be concerned with Macaulay Culkin’s net worth if he isn’t.

Look, we all know you only browse yoga articles because maybe you’ll see a nipple or something. Whatever.

We dove deep to find out exactly where you should be pooping. You’re welcome!

Sadly, you will never be able to experience the sheer, shit-eating bliss of being somebody’s beloved pet hedgehog. What an existence.

I thought my life was over when I changed my identity and was forced into hiding. But boy was I wrong

Hey Janice just wanted to let you know that sweater is super cute and also cancer but you’ve got like thirty years.

Based on my experience, these are hard rules (no exceptions) on how to catch the absolute perfect, most brilliant, driven person ever. 

We know you loved Dad, but we also know you love the environment more. Use this opportunity to teach everyone about the true beauty of upcycling.

If your kid prefers squishing a disgusting substance between their fingers more than interacting with you, then congratulations, this guide is for you.

Will they be able to keep up with all those little creeps, goobers, freak-balls and toenail chewers? I’m just not convinced.

Finding an au pair you can trust with your child is no small task. But we’ve come across a winner, and we want to share him with you!

Is that so much to ask?

We followed Rami Malek around to see what he gets up to, and then kidnapped him!

We prefer cash. Thanks.

Your move, Edwina.

Only after I personally tell every sentient creature that I’m super shy will the world finally understand my struggles as an introvert.

Your wedding gift registry isn’t about tradition, it’s about letting guests know you can outscrew anyone, in explicit detail!

Some self-described Sapiosexuals are pansexual and pretentious, but others are just pretentious. You’re smart, you fuck smart, and everyone should know it.

Watching porn on the bus doesn’t make me weird. It makes me a sex positive revolutionary on the front lines in the war between prudishness and pleasure.

A few easy tricks to help soften the blow.

Don’t be a dick about it

I tried out this new Face/Off procedure so I could see what I could learn about my childhood in order to be able to exploit it for an internet article. Here is what I learned.

We believe in being introspective and learning about ourselves. That’s why we hired serious professionals to smell our farts.

We bought ourselves some gold-studded berets and launched a full-scale investigation.  Yes, we were going to discover the true form of the French penis.

Worth it.

Or do you hate your children too much help them succeed?

They’re so inspirational!

Is it possible I jumped the gun?

Goofy also loves to masturbate.

It’s basically spiritual diarrhea!

But how can a gal turn her “Netflix and Chill” event into a fully-blown strap-attack? Here are some helpful movies and shows to get you started…

Ladies, these spring perfumes will strongly remember him of springs from long ago AND send him into a downward spiral over deep feelings of loss.

It’s not just that I really wanna soak him in my pee.

Remember, your sex life doesn’t need to follow the Geneva Convention, so just have fun with it!

Because things can go horribly wrong at literally any moment.