Reaching Spiritual Enlightenment Via Taco Bell’s Taco 12-Pack.
Very few mortals have unlocked the true potential of Taco Bell’s taco 12-pack. I can’t blame them for not taking the plunge. But I say ‘Live Mas’
Forget Those Beginner Witch Kits, We’ll Send You Actual Blood And Skulls
Step up to Flavor Town, witches. We have a beginner witch kit that will totally Fairuza your Balk and put you on the path to casting wicked spells.
I’m An Introvert And I Need Every Person On Earth To Know It
Only after I personally tell every sentient creature that I’m super shy will the world finally understand my struggles as an introvert.
Try This Irresistible, Sense-Delighting, Open Wound Salve
Open wound salves are a huge part of my everyday routine, which is why I know not all salves are created equal. In fact, most wound ointments not only sting when applied, but they come out greasy—and no one wants to get that oily mess on a loved one or sexual partner. I need the […]
What Your Period Is Trying To Tell You About The NASDAQ
In our culture, when we talk about the NASDAQ Composite, most traders tend to focus on how it is “gross,” “messy,” and “not as good as the New York Stock Exchange.” But there’s a lot more to it. And, like a lot of things, the key to unlocking the NASDAQ’s deepest secrets might actually be […]
My Crystal Altar Was RUINED by My Mother-In-Law
Dear Serendipity, My husband and I have a very loving and communicative relationship. There’s just one problem. His mother interferes with EVERYTHING. This weekend she was over for a visit, and when I came into the sunroom, I caught her REARRANGING the crystals on my crystal altar. As you covered in your response to Dear […]
Protect Our Nation’s Forests So I Have A Place to Play Pretend Witch
Thirty percent of the world’s area is covered in forest, yet miles and miles of trees are bulldozed every year to accommodate the agriculture industry, housing developments, and our favorite stationary products from Paper Source. Ugh, guilty! Their stuff is so cute! But not only does this destruction ruin natural animal habitats and increase the […]
“Real River Water Is All I Drink,” Crossfit Expert Piper Jackson
I Drink Water From A River. Hello. My name is Piper Jackson, and every morning I wake up and drink real river water. Yes, you read that right: I drink water from a river. River water- real river water– is the purest form of H2O you can get. There are no chemicals added to it, […]
Save The Bees So I Can Keep Using Their Venom To Get High
Bees are dying and we need to save them to maintain the human food supply and let me use their stingers to trip balls on the regular.
How To Use Therapy Speak To Haggle Down The Price Of Almost Anything
We as a society have spent far more time nurturing our physical health than our mental wellness. For decades, even whispering the words “anxiety journal” could earn a person a bunch of raised eyebrows and an un-invitation to Vicki’s gender reveal party. But times have changed! Mental healthcare is not only embraced and encouraged, it’s […]
How To Tell People You Have Herpes: With A Fresh and Fun ‘Herpes Reveal Party’
Acquiring oral herpes is one of the most exciting periods in life, and one of the most thrilling moments in this very special journey is sharing the good news with your family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. People used to just find out they had herpes at the doctor, and that was it. Over the past few […]
Common Board Games For Building A Lifelong Rivalry Between Your Kids
Risk doesn’t have to be the only game that tears families apart! With a little manipulating even checkers can have your kiddos start a lifelong rivalry that’ll jumpstart them to greatness!
Life Lessons I Learned From The Feral Children Living In The Woods Behind My Home
As a trendsetter, you grow accustomed to learning new things in surprising places. I wouldn’t be the daring style icon I am today if I weren’t ready to adopt fashion ideas from, say, nature, or unexpected encounters with people below my income bracket, or even the various diverse cultures that my ancestors helped to oppress. […]
Thanks To Free Range Parenting, I Haven’t Seen My Kid In Weeks!
My daughter, Willow, has always been a free spirit. She loves to explore and solve problems on her own. I know every mother thinks their child is brilliant, but when she broke the time record at her Montessori school’s escape room, I knew I had a child who could handle herself. I first heard about […]
I Connected With My Deceased Father By Touching His Thermostat
He’s not a crime solving ghost, or a prophetic warning ghost. He’s just a cheap ghost.
bunnyglow: The Radioactive Drink That Makes You Radiant
Here at Bunny Ears, we know that keeping up the required skin care routine is a real time investment. By law, the time we spend cleansing, toning, moisturizing, massaging, milking, praying, ritual dancing, and on and on can feel like such a waste. We’d much rather spend that time growing our careers and spending time […]
Is Non-Consensual Non-Monogamy Right for You?
You’re not cheating. You’re simply engaging in sexual acts with people outside your marriage without telling your partner about it. And that’s different. There’s a different label on it. And a book. And a website. So it’s fine.
Be The Most Fascinating Person at The Party By Drinking Mulled Urine
Hear me out, I don’t like the taste of piss. But I do like how it makes me appear interesting.
Why I Won’t Move In With My Boyfriend Until We’re Engaged Or At Least Dating
My friends are often surprised to find out that I won’t move in with a guy until I’ve got a ring or at least an understanding that we are a couple. Sure, it’s a little old fashioned, but it’s what works for me. I’m not some stuffy agony aunt trying to tell you what to […]
The Beginner’s Guide To Ethical Fur: Accentuate With Whole Live Animals
Welcome to The Beginner’s Guide to [Blank], our recurring series where our experts provide everything you need to know about your new endeavor, regardless of what it is. Life is full of exciting opportunities, and while it’s fine to tackle a new adventure on your own, we here at Bunny Ears know that it’s better […]
These Stories Are So Spiritually Inspirational That We Couldn’t Bring Ourselves To Fact Check Them
We all need a dose of inspiration now and then, and nothing helps us continue to live life to the fullest like epic inspirational stories of someone absolutely rocking their spiritual side. These particular stories inspired us so much that we couldn’t face it if we found out they weren’t true, so we didn’t bother to […]
2019 Swimsuit Trends For Every Body As Long As They’re Skinny
Swimwear is no place to abandon ANY of your sisters, that’s why we’ve got the perfect swimsuits for every gal whose body fat percentage we accept as okay!
I Replaced My Leg Tendons (For Yoga) And Now My Leg Is Haunted
I just wanted to do one freaking pose but now I have to deal with ghosts?
3 Best Places To Lay Your Eggs This Spring (And 4 You Shouldn’t!)
Wake up, you actual bear who has been sleeping for months. Bet you’re hungry.
Non-Phallic Sex Toys For When You Wanna Get Plowed By A Muppet
We can approximate Muppet genitals based on their design with the following colorful sex toys clearly designed to simulate Muppintercourse.
How I Escaped My Children This Summer
Oh, sure, everyone always gets sooooo excited for summer. A smorgasbord of fashionable outdoor festivals, sipping mai-tais on elegant beach-side patios, entirely new ways of getting judged by your body – what’s not to love? Your kids, for one thing. Did it occur to you that your kids are going to be home all day, for […]
Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating With a Circus Clown
No, you’re not crazy – if you’ve got a bad feeling it’s happening, then your spouse probably is cheating on you with a circus clown.
Ask A $715 Cashmere Beanie
You have questions, this luxurious cashmere beanie has answers. Everything from relationship advice to grooming habits, this cashmere beanie can help!
I Will Not Be Shamed For Watching Porn, Especially On The Bus
Watching porn on the bus doesn’t make me weird. It makes me a sex positive revolutionary on the front lines in the war between prudishness and pleasure.
The Most Romantic, Out-Of-The-Way Chain Restaurants for Having Your Affair
Nothing says, “I don’t want to lose you, but I also don’t want to lose my marriage” like vaguely-Asian pot stickers.
How I Found Enlightenment By Staging My Own Kidnapping
I hope they let me play myself in the movie version of this story.
Transform Your Body By Getting Into This Machine And Not Asking Any Questions
Have you ever looked at your human body and thought “Ew, this lumbering carcass that encases my intellect is much too large and bothersome”? Well, with my revolutionary three-step method, you’ll see the pounds melt away in just three minutes. Many advertisers promise to give you less body quickly and with minimal effort, but no […]
This New Form of OxyContin is Truly Better Than Sex
As busy mom and business owner, I often need a pick me up throughout the day. Most of the time, this comes in the form of the pearl-infused matcha latte at the corner shop, but some days, the creamy green goodness just isn’t working. Thankfully, around three months ago, I found a vice that really […]
Simple Tricks To Make Their Funeral All About You
When someone you care about dies, it’s vital to keep the focus on what really matters: YOU!
Breezy Morse Code For Slipping into His DMs Before The Storm A-Comes
Ahoy, there, mateys! If you’ve got your spyglass trained on a rough-handed mariner, this article is for you. But don’t wait too long! We just saw a red sky this morning, although we probably would have called the color “Cape Cod cranberry” or “peasant blood.” You better get a-tapping before the waters get choppier than […]
How To Strengthen Your Relationship With Your Doula Without Alienating Your Life Coach
Having a baby changes everything, from your bladder function to your spiritual needs. You know you won’t get through it without your doula, but now your life coach, who’s been by your side from your wild single days right through to your socioeconomically appropriate marriage, feels left out. How do you keep the most important […]
The Beginner’s Guide to Keeping a Lobster Alive for One Week to Win $20
Why You’re Keeping a Lobster Alive Look, it happens to every small-business owner. Your friend starts making fun of your organic luxury pet product company, you defend it with some slightly exaggerated claims, your friend calls you on your bluff, you refuse to back down, a slightly ridiculous bet is suggested, and by the time […]
If You Love Your Daughter, You Will Hire A Menstrual Coach
This article has been sponsored by the Association of Accredited Menstrual Coaches. The road to womanhood can be a terrifying and perilous journey. If you want your daughter to survive menarche with her fragile adolescent mind in tact, you must hire a menstrual coach. What are menstrual coaches? They’re an organization of professionals licensed to […]
Contact High: Pretending You Like Weed To Be Cool Around Other People…
Look. Not everyone still likes weed, okay? Just because now you are in your mid-thirties and no longer enjoy feeling like you’re going to fall out of a window and directly into a police cell every time you take a single puff off someone’s “totally mellow, home-grown” joint, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. […]
Enjoy This Text-Only, Audio-Free ASMR Experience by Daniel O’Brien
Hello, my name is Daniel O’Brien. I am an author, comedian, and aspiring boat captain, and I work with Bunny Ears to make your life better. ASMR, or Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, refers to the tingly, relaxing sensation some people get from specific audio cues, like soft whispering or tapping. There are currently thousands […]
Holiday Party Idea: Pushing Over Children At The Skating Rink
We need a fun and competitive blood sport that combines hockey with a dash of child abuse.
I Only Ate Kid Cuisine For A Week And This Is What Happened
For centuries, man has searched for the answer to eternal youth … and now some Croatian Pilates instructor has found it! Apparently, the key to defying the natural aging process is none other than a coveted culinary sensation that took the ‘90s by storm. That’s right: Kid Cuisine. Like the boundary-pushing trendsetter that I am, […]