Swimming with Lobsters Might Be The Key to Curing Anxiety
“As I waded into a murky backyard pool in Long Beach, California, I felt that familiar tightening in my gut. My anxiety was rearing its ugly head, reminding me that I have an ever-present passenger. I continued forward, my lonely thighs now fully submerged, and felt a pinch. Then two more. I was not alone […]
Manage Social Anxiety Even Though Everyone Is Only Pretending To Like You
Love Yourself And Others Will Follow, Even The Paid Actors Pretending To Be Your Parents.
Help Us Honor These Male Feminists During Women’s History Month
Where would gender equality be if Jacobson didn’t have the strength to write social media posts and that one Medium article? We’d probably lose the right to vote, that’s where!
Macrodosing: Taking So Much LSD That Nothing Matters Anymore
Dinnnerinnerinner dinnner . how do you spell that word. dinnnner
You’ll Never Believe How Many Slides Are In This Slideshow Of Women Holding Mugs
Hint: There’s so fucking many!
Elbows Are Out: Hinges Made of Lincoln Logs Are In
Not only are my Lincoln Log hinges fashionable they also make so many daily activities better. No longer do I have to worry about damaging my joints when I do yoga.
8 Black And White Photos Of Pregnant Women For You To Do Whatever With
You’ve worked hard all week, and quite frankly, you deserve a break! That’s why we’ve created this slideshow of black and white photos of pregnant women for you to do, you know, whatever with. No need to go into detail. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy these beautiful visions of gestation in whatever manner you […]
The Best Anti-Aging Secret Is Still A Portrait That Grows Old For You
You’ll look fabulous—no matter how many atrocities you commit!
Moisturize Until You’re Frictionless And Entering The Speed Force
You will reach unfathomable velocity.
Why We Don’t Vaccinate Our Children From My Homemade Plague
What the real danger is here? A virus I specifically designed to kill 90% of the population, or the untested vaccine for it? I think you know my answer.
‘I Don’t See Disease’ Is The Hottest New Health Trend!
Don’t let disease get you down. Fight through your illness with our bold new method of denying its existence! You’ll be healthy in no time!
Rose Gold Butt Plugs For Surviving Your Podcast’s Third Rebrand
The advice for taking a big old honker of a butt plug is the same advice that’s going to help you power your bottom through your podcast’s third rebrand.
I’m Hoping For A Cryotherapy Mishap That Turns Me Into Mr. Freeze
I can’t wait until one of my doctors makes an innocent mistake while adjusting the settings on the cryo-tank and it turns me into Mr. Freeze.
9 Facts You Didn’t Know About Getting Even With Dad
While It Didn’t Do Great In The States, The Film Was A Big Hit In The Republic Of Macedonia Where It Released Under The Title “Kill Ponytail Father”
Oops! I Think I May Have Over-Exfoliated
As a general rule, you should never exfoliate so much that you accidentally end up brushing your teeth with your finger tips and Clinique facial scrub.
Build Wealth Even If Your Business Manager Won’t Suck A Dick For You
Like the say in business school, “Don’t blow your money. Let your money blow you.”
Hot Piles Of Garbage: Editor Amanda Mannen’s Morning Routine
Amanda lives in Missoula, Montana, so we didn’t actually go out there to observe her morning routine firsthand even though LAX is one of the few airports that actually flies directly to Missoula because we’re scared of Republicans.
Improve Your Child’s Immunity By Coughing In Her Face
Coughing directly in your child’s face is the ecological, non-toxic, and natural way to ensure they grow healthy immune systems.
My Son Dialed 1-800-Kars-4-Kids, But They Refused To Give Him A Tesla
Elon Musk is his hero! I tried to explain this to them but they kept asking if I wanted to sponsor the education for some child “in need.”
Western Medicine Is A Lie: What Are Penises REALLY For?!??!!!!!??!
Penii? Penes? Amanda, what am I supposed to write here?
This Year, Train Your Body To Tolerate More Pain With Vicodin!
Imagine a world in which knives do not exist. Picture that world, and reach into your aged leather waist satchel for more Vicodin.
Choose Circumcision! We Need To Keep Appeasing The Foreskin Wizard
Whatever you think you know is really just the tip.
We Tried Every Soap On The Market And Are Plagued With Regret
From Goat’s Milk Lavender to Honeysuckle Harmony, they tried them all. Oh God, why?
How Do You Tell If An Object Sparks Joy Or Just Gave You An Orgasm Once?
No, literally all I have left now are vibrators and cake mix.
8 Eclectic Bathroom Designs You Could Totally Bust A Fat Log In
Who says you can’t drop anchor and also be inspired?
Macaulay Culkin’s Wellness Island Festival Has Been Regretfully Cancelled
Turns out crabs are no joke!
Chrissy Teigen Is The Anti-Gwyneth, So I Guess We Have To Eat Her
How else shall we absorb her powers?
My Morning Routine: Pilates And An Orgasm From A Stranger
It’s a simple thing, but I think it is worth it.
Barney The Dinosaur On Shopping, Sex, And His Healthy Purple Glow
We’re all about the icons of the ’90s, and perhaps no one is more iconic of that simpler time than Barney the Dinosaur. We grew up alongside that taxonomically ambiguous purple creature, so it’s only natural that he also grew up alongside us. What you may not know (but, of course, we do, because we […]