I Am NOT Trying To Cook You In This Ramen Noodle Bath
No, I’m not going to cook you in this soothing ramen noodle bath, dangit. And frankly, I’m offended you would even ask that.
The Bunny Ears ‘Fuck A Killer’ Subscription Box
Because this is apparently what you guys want? Really?
I Shouldn’t Be Charged For The Hotel Room I Destroyed Doing Rage Yoga
I know I destroyed that hotel room. But you can’t persecute me for participating in rage yoga. I will contest this outrageous bill.
How To Surreptitiously Moisturize Your Husband
Is your husband’s skin dry, cracked, or scaly? Here’s some sneaky, virtually fool-proof ways to get that man to moisturize.
Charitable Pooping Is A Thing And Allow Me To Explain
Ever feel like you’re letting your poops go to waste? Have you ever considered dropping them on the doorstep of people who may or may not need them?
7 Lavish 4/20 Vacation Destinations Between Your Couch And Kitchen
Where are you going to go for Weed Christmas? Are you staying home? If so, here are the best spots for that perfect 4/20 vacation in your drab apartment.
Our Festival Season Guide To The Most Luxe Antibiotics
Our hot new antibiotics primer let’s you get the most out of this year’s music festival without looking like a basic penicillin loser.
Here’s What Happened When I Stopped Saying ‘Sorry,’ Mostly to My Assistant
Pretty soon I stopped saying, “I’m sorry, why is this extra hot latte I asked for undrinkably hot? Are you trying to kill me via Starbucks?” and started saying, “Thank you for burning my tongue and ruining my day, you incompetent shit.”
Fuck Your Tree The Way It Deserves To Be Fucked This Arbor Day
Show your tree how much you love it…physically.
Adorable Teddy Bears To Pimp Out Your Man Cave
These cute and cuddly teddy bears are a great way to accentuate your manly space.
Brunch, Avenging My Father, And Five Other Things I’m Obsessed With
Wow, it was so sweet of Bunny Ears to let me do this little round-up of all the things I’ve been obsessed with lately! Honestly, I’m totally and completely obsessed with so many things that it was hard to narrow it down to just these seven. From dry-brushing to white nail polish to solving my […]
69 Is Out. Meet 82, The New Number That Fucks
The long wet reign of terror by 69 is out. It’s time for a new sex number, baby. Meet 82, the number that ones to get down and dirty with YOU!
Things To Do With The Scarabs That Keep Crawling Out Of Your Mouth
Stop spitting them into the garbage and do something useful with those beetles that emerge from your mouth for inscrutable reasons.
Live The Life You Deserve Through Financial Fraud
Fake it until you make it! And by “it” I mean “identity theft”
We’re Discontinuing Our Charcoal Masks Because You’re A Bunch Of Racists
All you had to do was let the natural detoxifying wonders of charcoal clean out your pores. You couldn’t even do that without being racist, could you?
Return To The Pagan Roots Of Easter By Shooting Eggs Out Your Vag
And the eggs are hard boiled, so brunch is served!
Please Stop Jerking Off With My Luxurious Moisturizer
There are so many substances you can use to masturbate. All that I ask is that you don’t use my luxurious moisturizer. It’s not too much to ask, is it?
3 Best Places To Lay Your Eggs This Spring (And 4 You Shouldn’t!)
Wake up, you actual bear who has been sleeping for months. Bet you’re hungry.
The Most Elegant Game Of Thrones Spoilers To Shave Into Your Pubic Hair
Thanks to another round of inevitable cyber hacks, we’ve all known how the series finale of Game of Thrones would go down for months now. And diehard fans have found the perfect way to honor the fact that winter is going — by shaving Game of Thrones spoilers into their pubes, of course! Perhaps as expected, […]
Fresh Herbs To Plant In That Indent Left By Your Waistband
Time to roll up your sleeves, roll down your waistband, and tend to an indent herb garden of your own.
Classic Novels To Read When You’re Trapped Under A Bookshelf
Never read “Little Women”? Now you have time!
Swimming with Lobsters Might Be The Key to Curing Anxiety
“As I waded into a murky backyard pool in Long Beach, California, I felt that familiar tightening in my gut. My anxiety was rearing its ugly head, reminding me that I have an ever-present passenger. I continued forward, my lonely thighs now fully submerged, and felt a pinch. Then two more. I was not alone […]
Manage Social Anxiety Even Though Everyone Is Only Pretending To Like You
Love Yourself And Others Will Follow, Even The Paid Actors Pretending To Be Your Parents.
Help Us Honor These Male Feminists During Women’s History Month
Where would gender equality be if Jacobson didn’t have the strength to write social media posts and that one Medium article? We’d probably lose the right to vote, that’s where!
Macrodosing: Taking So Much LSD That Nothing Matters Anymore
Dinnnerinnerinner dinnner . how do you spell that word. dinnnner
You’ll Never Believe How Many Slides Are In This Slideshow Of Women Holding Mugs
Hint: There’s so fucking many!
Elbows Are Out: Hinges Made of Lincoln Logs Are In
Not only are my Lincoln Log hinges fashionable they also make so many daily activities better. No longer do I have to worry about damaging my joints when I do yoga.
8 Black And White Photos Of Pregnant Women For You To Do Whatever With
You’ve worked hard all week, and quite frankly, you deserve a break! That’s why we’ve created this slideshow of black and white photos of pregnant women for you to do, you know, whatever with. No need to go into detail. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy these beautiful visions of gestation in whatever manner you […]
The Best Anti-Aging Secret Is Still A Portrait That Grows Old For You
You’ll look fabulous—no matter how many atrocities you commit!
Moisturize Until You’re Frictionless And Entering The Speed Force
You will reach unfathomable velocity.