HACK THE PLANET! HACK THE PLANNNNEEEEET!
Literally.
This year, my goal is to get shwiggity fuckin’ shwasted, and I can’t wait to get to it!
It’s incredibly disturbing.
Santa is the ultimate space daddy and now you may want to get your own but stay away!
You don’t even have to be dead!
It’s the only way.
And don’t forget to buy my companion book!
Same time, same place, same genetics. Eh, with modern dating, who has time to care about all three?
When was the last time a litter of helpless newborn kittens did anything nice for YOU?
It started when I saw three mysterious figures dancing around a barrel fire in the sewer.
I have goddamn robot shoes. What now?
I can get so much done now!
Revenge on your sibling should fuel most of your life decisions.
I am strong, and I can forgive. Just like Ghandi.
It’s a lot like pranic healing, but with more panic.
She’s SO extra.
Because god damn do they need it
“Boy, do I miss Obama! Merry X-Mas!”
It is his right to choose what I know is best for him.
This month’s Bunny Ears horoscope will tell you which venereal disease you have at this very moment while you’re reading this.
Breathtaking.
There was literally no way to prevent this.
Teach that stupid furball to stop being such a basic bitch
He was known as The Captain back then.
He’s just as untamable as any beast.
This third one definitely won’t help with your crippling social anxiety!
Whenever you’re about to do something, stop to think “Would a happy person do this?” If the answer is no, recalibrate your plans.
Don’t even bother trying to cover up that horrible potato head
If you’re comfortable with me telling your children to eat shit but not telling them to get fucked, I need to know that beforehand.
We really meant to get into this whole workout thing, but then we just got carried away with the fucking. You get it, right?
Hey James, fuck you you disgusting shit. Everyone else, please learn to accept your body as it is!
Mobile board yoga, the newest Hollywood fitness craze, is the real deal.
Modern guys just aren’t cutting it for me.
If you’ve tried all the face masks, you’ll love this hot new trend where you win a Kid’s Choice Award so Nickelodeon will give you a slime face mask.
Better safe than sorry! Time to replace all my poop with someone else’s poop!
Seeking a spirit animal can be hard, so we recommend this LG Electronics 84-Inch Cinema 3D 4K Ultra HD 120hz Smart TV with six pairs of 3D glasses purchased through our amazon affiliate link!
At first, Andrea was hesitant to take our suggestion that she try aerial yoga for this article, which we respectfully acknowledged. Then she started screaming.
There are many ways to handle being called out by black people, so here are our favorites!
“Look out! Macaulay Culkin has a gun!”
I didn’t expect anyone to understand the sacrifice I was making through my hunger strike, but I really didn’t expect them to vehemently insist I keep going.
Autumn is the perfect time to tackle a project like knitting a beautiful scarf, one that could finesse your whole look if you finished it, which you won’t.
She has such good taste, and really springs for the good stuff!
Just because it’s a DIY neopagan water birth taking place in a tiny yurt does not mean there are no rules.
Your favorite color reveals both your preferences for physical and spiritual connections, but also some pretty graphic details about how you’ll snuff it.