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It’s time to plan the most important day of your daughter’s life, other than her marriage to a rich Doctor Without Borders. Menarche is a woman’s first period, when she blossoms from a young bud into a magnificent, pimply flower. Too often, a woman’s period is stigmatized and shunned, so no matter how much your …

Whenever I saw those stories on the news about kids and the internet, I always thought, “Not my daughter.” But then it happens to you—you get Freaky Friday’d with your teen, and it hits you like a ton of bricks: You don’t know the first thing about your kid. (Also, you look in the mirror …

Moustaches? Vegans? Those weird penny-farthing bicycles? Are these some of the images that pop into your mind when you think of a “hipster”? In the past you may have been correct, but I have spent some time in the field recently, and am here to report that America’s “coolest” are now throwing away their bowler …

Television inevitably influences the fashion sense of its viewers (raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by “the Rachel”), though you may not think a series like Bones, focusing as it does on the maggot-covered remains of terribly unfashionable people, has much to offer in that regard. Well, I’m here to tell you that …

These refined, often floral perfumes are timeless classics. They will make you feel sophisticated and chic and also remind you that grandma is dead forever. Scent is the strongest sense tied to memory, so spray some of the below fragrances on that hot young bod and remind yourself that grandma’s never coming back! 1.) Chanel …

Are you a Hogwarts fan? Are you sick of being antagonized by people telling you to “read another book”? Is your life and family in danger of financial ruin because of your addiction to writing Harry Potter fanfic? If you answered “yes” to any or all of these questions (and obviously you did), the Bunny …

As a resident of the great state of New Jersey, I’m often asked, “Is New Jersey as bad as everyone says it is?” And good news: There’s plenty of cool stuff to enjoy in New Jersey if you know where to look. However, don’t look too hard, or you just might find a dead body! …

Listen, we know how important it is to drive around in a car worth more than the Gross National Product of most developing nations, covered in enough coats of wax to weaponize the sun’s rays while burning through twelve gallons of premium gasoline on a single trip to Bristol Farms. Fame and status are our …

As a woman, yoga influencer, and a Leo (rising), I have collected a very specific and finite bundle of opinions I feel the world needs to hear. I live on Instagram, which I am sure you’ve gathered from my highly curated daily yoga posts that make you wonder “Who actually takes all these photos?” and …

Hey, so, this is kind of a weird question, but do I still have to have my dick out for Harambe? I’ve had it out all this time, but is that a thing we’re all still doing? Or did we accomplish … uh, whatever it was we were trying to accomplish? It was awareness for …

My husband and I decided to throw a gender reveal party to reveal to our unwoke friends and family that gender is just a social construct. At first they were pretty confused when the gender reveal trebuchet flung only hunks of raw chicken instead of the pink or blue confetti they were promised. When I …

  Dear Goop.com: We have your therapist. He is in the Bunny Ears warehouse, breathing and meditating normally. He is healthy and spiritually aligned. We’re guessing you want him to stay that way. If you want your therapist returned safely please give us your Top 10 Summer Skin Care Product Recommendations. We’re not messing around …

Hi, I’m Craig The Intern, and they make me transcribe these every week. Everything’s going great so far! The Guest: Painter/Graffiti artist David Choe. The Lowdown: Cold open! This episode has a couple of disclaimers upfront before we get to the Bunny Ranch theme, so you know they’re important. The first, most important one involves …

Unhealthy food understands it’s our prey, so it releases toxic sugars and fats into our bodies as a self-defense mechanism when we eat. But it doesn’t have to be this way. For so long, diets have unfairly disparaged unhealthy food without taking a second to consider whether our cakes and fries would harm us if …

First dates are hard to navigate. When you step out of your uber into the unknown of a first date, your greatest hope is the chemistry will be electric and things heat up, like the curling iron you can’t remember if you turned off or not. Once you two lock eyes, you immediately feel a pull like your …

Most Americans are boring, ordinary muggles with a tragic inability to do anything cool like talk to dead people, move things with their mind, or recognize how funny I am on Twitter. However, a tiny fraction of us have “the gift.” You might have the gift already and not even know it. All you need now …

Dear Babypod, I would like to file a complaint about your product. When I first heard about your speaker, which I could easily insert into my vagina and use to play music for my baby, I was very excited. This device was perfect for introducing my baby to my favorite band, Smash Mouth. At least …

Regardless of their sex, your cat can have anywhere from 4 to 10 nipples, because God hates cat owners and wants to punish us. They’re horrifying, and they love showing them off like common whores. I’ve been to every vet in Los Angeles County and they all refused to remove my cat’s unsightly nipples, so …

When you’re on the run from the Securities and Exchange Commission after orchestrating a massive fraudulent initial coin offering of your cryptocurrency, Skankcoin, you’re not going to hide out in some shack in Montana where there are more deer than mojitos. You earned the nearly $1 billion those dumb crypto-bros gave you of their own …

Eating locally is an important way to make sure everyone knows you care about the environment and also don’t need to eat cheap Mexican fruit. Of course, the best way to do that is to cultivate your very own vegetable garden. It doesn’t get much more local than right outside your artfully decorated terrace. The …

For some people, health scares, tragedies, or life-changing experiences are the last straw before we take the initiative to better our personal health. However, the rest of us all know that the key to living healthier than ever is paved with the fear of assassination from your evil future self. Whether they’re trying to take …

Did you know that an estimated 42.6 million Americans are on food stamps? That’s crazy, right? We often ignore the struggles of this significant segment of American society, so I decided to live on the budget of an average food stamp-recipient for one whole week. My assumption was that, by living like a poor person …

Hi, There will be no annotations for this episode of the Bunny Ears Podcast. Instead I would like to say a few words about Hellmutt, the world’s best dog. I met Hellmutt about 8 or 9 years ago for the first time. It was in Cohen’s old apartment in Hollywood. Mutty, as he was frequently …

For better or worse, a college degree is no longer enough to ensure your child’s success. When 300 other job applicants all have the same Computer Engineering degrees, only your child’s exclusive early education experience (aka, private preschool) will give him or her the upper hand over the rest of those nerds. Unfortunately, the snobs …

The spiritual flow of your house is one of the most important factors in achieving a zen-like state of personal equilibrium wherein you will permanently be better than all of your friends and they will know this truth but never speak it aloud for fear of being struck down by a beam of pure rapturous …

I haven’t exactly been feeling my best lately – low energy, dull skin tone, regular menstruation, etc. All the signs that a good old-fashioned cleanse was in order. To celebrate, I went over to my tattoo artist’s house and got myself some new ink made from only the finest all-natural organic vegetable oils and flower …

To end stressful and frustrating swimsuit shopping this year, we have narrowed down your options to the most stylish swimsuit on the market, the bungee cord bikini. From curvier frames to athletic body types, we’re helping to make sense of your endless swimwear options and will help pick the best ones to flatter your frame. It doesn’t matter if …

Hi, I’m Craig The Intern, and they make me transcribe these every week. Everything’s going great so far! Swimmingly, even. The Lowdown: Yo dawg, it’s World Oceans Day! So it’s time to surprise you all with another minisode based on our favorite holidays, as we do. Matt got Mack a starfish, and Mack got Matt …

Guys. Stop everything. There’s blood on the floor. I’m pretty sure this is blood. The Bunny Ears LA office has blood in it right now. Everybody stop meditating and ear candling! Look at this! Somebody claim your blood! Stop typing what I’m saying, Shawn, stop typing and explain this blood. Maybe this is prop blood. WHOSE …

I used to be so disappointed when I saw myself in the mirror first thing in the morning. Did time, stress, sleeplessness, parenthood, and all of those speedballs I did in my twenties conspire to ruin the beauty that got me invited to all those secret ritualistic orgies? Yes. Yes, they had. But that all changed …

You think about your dog. Of course you do. Their cute little button nose. Their thin yet powerful haunches. But do you actually think about your dog? No one else is there for you like your pupper is. Nobody else lights up when you enter the room after being gone for just five damn minutes. …

As the resident environmentalist at Bunny Ears, it should be no surprise to anyone that I’m absolutely disgusted by everyone and everything. From the wasteful scourge that loves to punish Mother Earth with their repugnant, neverending consumption to the phonies who think that recycling plastics and buying hybrids make them eco-friendly, I’ve been on my …

They say breaking up is hard to do, but it’s immensely harder if your significant other won’t allow it. You say “We’re over,” they say “Sushi for dinner?” You say, “Sure, I’m starved,” and round and round you go. But don’t lose hope. You don’t have to stay stuck in this relationship until death do …

Heyyyyy Gurrrllll !!! <3 <3 😀 😀 I know we haven’t talked in a hot minute (since like high school, right? CRAZY!). Anyway, how are you? I’m just #bossbabe-ing it up! Do you have a second? I want to tell you about my #personal #journey. Well you know after high school I got my marketing …

What site is this? The blue header … It looks like Facebook. Wait … Doesn’t Twitter sometimes have a blue header? My God, what if I’ve taken a left turn and stumbled into Tumblr territory? My name is Ken Hanley, and I suffer from short-term memory loss as a result of a vicious assault by …

Much has been made of Bunny Ears hero Gwyneth Paltrow’s decision to “consciously uncouple” from ex-husband Chris Martin, a process that entails mindfully and sensitively detaching from your spouse. That might be fine for Gwynny (we get to call her Gwynny, you should absolutely not call her Gwynny), but what if you’re just, like, really …

The Zodiac guides us through challenges in life. The stars are as wise as they are numerous, and strongly advise which recipes you should use to prepare salmon! Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19) Those who fall under the sign of Aries are teeming with chaotic energy. Mars, god of war, compels you to seek …

I was like you, once. Obsessed with my online reputation, getting into pointless arguments on Twitter, refreshing my news feeds every five seconds. I was wasting my life away, one click at a time. But then I stepped away from the Internet for a while and taught myself an important lesson about what really matters …

You know, there was one silver lining to come from the tragedy that was September 11, 2001. Immediately after this ruthless attack, we banded together for the good of the nation, becoming stronger, more resolute, and more unified as a result. And in doing so we proudly showed the world one indisputable fact about Americans: …

Is this why people aren’t doing this anymore? I know Kim Kardashian and some other people got them, but this doesn’t feel right. The procedure itself was fairly painless, but the rest really makes me think that maybe it’s- [Editors Note: Brian Gilmore was not available to finish this article because he is currently under …