Which Of Your Favorite Childhood Heroes Has Big Dick Energy?
In our identity-obsessed culture, it’s dangerous to put people in boxes—both literally and figuratively. But while there’s no one way to define a soul, there are definitely strong universal energies which we all possess that help define who we are. And today, I want to talk specifically about Big Dick Energy (BDE). Everyone and their […]
How To Stop Calling Your Personal Trainer At 3AM To Yell JUST LET ME BE FAT BRAD
Having a personal trainer is great but who likes working out? Why move your body around like a poor building rocks for money or whatever when you could just wait for a sexy android body to come on the market someday? It’s tough; the urge to call your personal trainer at 3AM to screech JUST […]
You Can Have My Safe Word BUT FIRST LET’S DISCUSS CASPER MATTRESS
This is a story of a sweet, innocent young woman letting go, embracing her kinky side, and learning to reconcile those two facets of her personality. I was a sexually inexperienced grad student when I first met “Dan,” an interior designer whose taste in decor was pretty standard, but whose sexual proclivities were anything but […]
How To Win The Social Media “Most Wounded Person” Award
Despondence and self-loathing suck, but what sucks even more is not profiting from yours. How often have you been on Facebook or Twitter, complaining that your life is a bleak pit of despair, only for someone to come along and mention that, in addition to their near unspeakable level of existential malaise, their cat just […]
How To Meditate Without Being Consumed By Memories Of That Thing You Did
When you close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and find peace in the silence, you will inevitably find yourself fighting back the memory of that thing you did that time. That horrible, horrible thing. Without a bevy of distractions to keep the memory at bay, the look in their eyes as your victim slowly […]
Science Says Intelligent People Have Bad Habits, So I’m Clearly A Genius
I forgot to pay a parking ticket because it was buried under greasy KFC boxes and dead spiders on my desk.
Serene Bottomless Pits To Visit This Summer
You’ll want to stare into these bottomless, lonely cavities for the rest of your life.
How To Throw An Engagement Party So Intimate Even Your Dad Will Get Pregnant
Most anyone who’s been married can tell you that your wedding day will be special, meaningful — and unfortunately — often impersonal. The bride and groom spend so much time graciously saying hello to each and every guest that, even though you talk to everyone, it feels like you connect with almost no one. Which […]
7 Hot Jackets You Can Tie Around Your Neck Like A Cape
Congrats, you’re a superhero now. Off to save the day!
How Many Patterned Prints Can You Layer Before You Upset Xxottlogyax?
Turns out Textile Gods are easily angered
Six Spring Divorce Court Looks Guaranteed To Give Him Full Custody
If the nanny isn’t watching these kids YOU shouldn’t have to. Check out our divorce court wardrobe advice and make sure HE gets custody.
Get Your Strongest Core Ever With Nonstop Crying!
Some call it “Sob Crunches” while others like myself prefer “Exer-crying”.
Relaxing Tai Chi Moves That Gently Push Your Farts Toward Your Enemies
Reduce stress with Tai Chi through a series of fluid motions that clear away negative air and gently push your farts toward your enemies.
All-Natural Cures For Depression That Are Just Bubble Baths
The concept of “self-care” has a rich and storied history. It began in mental health circles as, like, setting reminders to at least try to brush your teeth when you can’t get out of bed for two weeks. So boring! According to the top spiritual health and wellness gurus, what you really need to break […]
We Asked Celebrities For Their Embarrassing Sex Stories…
… And You Won’t Believe How Offended They Were!
The Beginner’s Guide To Fine-Dining Terminology
The world of fine dining has its own complex language that can turn a romantic date into a confusing embarrassment if you don’t know the lingo. Worry no more, because we’re here to help.
How To Tell Your Girlfriend You’re Just A Bunch of Cats
Hi! I’m Daniel O’Brien, author, friend, and retired rollerblader. I’ve never claimed to have all the answers and I didn’t start out writing because I wanted or expected to get into the advice business. But I’m a public-facing person who is both happy and successful and can generally navigate most situations with some degree of […]
How To Get All Those Toxic Metals Out Of Your Blood With A Magnet Cleanse
Have you been feeling sluggish lately? Are you finding it more and more difficult to keep your brunch dates, or even make it to dog yoga on time without damaging your pooch’s sleep cycle? Well the reason for your leaden behind is exactly that – lead. That’s right – as you read this, countless toxic […]
4 Healthy Meal Ideas for a Pescatarian Diet!
I was shocked when my allergist told me I had a reaction to every single fruit and vegetable on the test except for onions and potatoes. I’d spent hours on that table while he prodded me with twigs and leaves, it was easily the worst food play of my life. I had spent a few […]
Common Hair Mistakes You Didn’t Know You Were Making, You Ugly Silly Billy Vanilly
Hair is a fickle thing, but it defines us. You may think, “well everyone has it, so what’s the big deal? It’s just hair, right?” You, my friend, are wrong, Wrong, WRONG! After conducting in-depth research, we compiled a list of all the common hair mistakes you’re doing completely incorrectly, you silly billy vanilly. First, you’ve all heard it’s not healthy to wash your hair every day. Experts say washing […]
This Easy Slow Cooker Pork Recipe Definitely Doesn’t Taste Like Impending Divorce
Look, I’ve never really been all that great at this homemaker stuff, OK? We had a live-in nanny/housekeeper/cook who helped out a bit when I was young. But between fashion camp and miniature horse polo I never really had the time to learn myself. I like to think I’m just better suited to the era […]
How To Plan A Sky Burial On A Budget
I view other cultures like the entries at a Sizzler: a buffet that you can pick and choose from to fill up your plate, and, if necessary, use force to seize control of the shrimp. When I learned of Tibetan sky burials, I knew I had to have one of my own. Buddhist monasteries in […]
Winter Project: How To Gussy Up Your Favorite Glory Hole!
Is the hole in the wall of a public bathroom through which you do unspeakable things starting to look a bit rundown? Then you need an extreme glory hole makeover, buddy.
The Importance Of Time-Travel-Restricted Eating
Look, we love food as much as the next guy. But there has to be limits. That’s why time travel restricted meals are so important.
The Perfect Sex Positions Based On Your Socio-Economic Level
What do sex and socio-economics have in common? A lot more than you think, my fine mammalian friend. See it turns out (as proven by many VERY very good academic studies! Just trust me!) that human beings bang best when fulfilling their own economic role in the bedroom. Fear not though, for we’ve curated a […]
Ramen Garnishes That Say “Adventurous but Late with Rent”
Maybe getting fired was fortunate and being a foodie is my thing now!
We Made 6 Acupuncturists Sleep On A Bed of Nails for A Night
We are acupuncture diehards. We even have an on-site acupuncturist here in the Bunny Ears offices named Jennifer Chen (hi Jen!) ready to skewer our allergies away with a precise strike to our acupoints at the first sign of a runny nose. So we brought her into our usual Tuesday ayahuasca editorial meeting to pitch […]
I Burned Facts To Create The “Perfect Smoky Eye” And Here’s What Happened
So everyone’s all mad about that Michelle Wolf White House Correspondents’ Dinner routine the other night. “Boo! She was mean to the press! She was mean to the president!” But they’re totally missing the point that she actually gave some great makeup advice in there. Burn facts to get the perfect smoky eye? Like, if […]
Spring’s Hottest Looks Straight From The Runway
Spring is around the corner and if you’re an aspiring fashionista like me, you’ll want to get your hands on these latest must-have items. I’ve scoured the runway searching for the best finds and I’ve got five here that do not disappoint! I’ll be rocking these pieces all spring long. Trust me, you’ll want to […]
Two Days in Southeast Portland: A Bunny Ears Travel Guide
Insider tip: Portland’s hottest neighborhood sits at the foot of a volcano. Known for its supply-and-demand-defying concentration of pour-over coffee shops (not to mention an over-saturated body ink scene!), the South Tabor community affords visitors decent eats and some seriously earthy nightlife options. One day is too short a time to embrace it, but two […]
Celebrity Advice: Quotes to Live By
Though they may or may not be “just like us,” one thing about celebrities is clear: Their lives are awesome and ours aren’t. Logically, they must have some mystical key to an awesome life beyond good bone structure and luck, right? The answer is yes and this is why we all crave celebrity advice. After […]
Ways to Relax When You’re Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop
Because things can go horribly wrong at literally any moment.
Tackle Little Tasks So You Can Focus On The Big, Haunting Problems
Like, “What am I even doing with my life?”
How To Look Like A French Girl, Specifically Children’s Media Sensation Madeline
The French have it all: style, class, universal healthcare, funny accents – basically everything we’re striving towards. You may only be able to dream of living above a Parisian cafe, hon-hon-hon-ing at people and not being bankrupt by medical bills, but there’s no reason you can’t look like a French fashion plait, specifically classic children’s […]